


The Impostor

by Lucere_Aeresta



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Self, Alternate Universe, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dubious Consent, Gamora/Nebula - Freeform, Gamora/Peter Quill - Freeform, M/M, Magic, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Thorki - Freeform, Time Travel, avenger!loki, non-traditional sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-13 19:35:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 22,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18947437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucere_Aeresta/pseuds/Lucere_Aeresta
Summary: The sun hadn’t shone upon them; only darkness and oblivion, devoured all the hope he had ever had.-*-*-“...I am out here to find my true self, remember?”“Yes, this is exactly the problem I got.”-*-*-"Has one possibility ever crossed your simple mind?...In one, maybe more, of the multiple universes, Loki lost his Thor,..."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is an offering to Loki.
> 
> After watching Endgame I felt compelled to write a fanfic, something I put in my own interpretations of what happened in the movie, and my headcanon of what happens after that, as well as my understanding of multiple universes and time traveling and so on. In the writing, I adhere to canon as much as I can in terms of any events happened before this fanfic's onset. As for what happens in the story, it is kind of crazy but I like it. Hope my readers enjoy it too.

“Damn it! Don’t you know what time it is? Quit banging on the door!”

Thor turned his head to the source of complaint—Quill stood at the other side of the hallway, with blood-shot eyes and untamed newly-grown beard, holding a half-empty coffee cup.

“You don’t look so good, man. Get some sleep.”

“Not yet.” Quill rubbed his eyes. “I have a few tasks to run on.”

“How about you go get some rest, and I, the god of thunder, am willing to share your burden as the captain.” Thor grinned, with the bright look of expectation hanging on his curved lips.

Quill rolled his eyes. “Since you mentioned it, here’s my last warning: Quit messing with the navigating system!”

“Oh, I think there is a bit of misunderstanding. I just need to double check something—without changing any settings, of course.”

“Your words conflict what I found in the navigation log. All these days you are trying to search for something and adjust the route. How about you tell me what on earth you want to—”

The door cracked open and Mantis’ antenna poked on Quill’s jaw, blocking rest of his words.

“Someone knocked?” She yawned.

Thor veered toward Mantis, smiled. “Ah, sorry for waking you up, but I need your help to put me into sleep.”

Thor didn’t need to explain much as the dark circles around his eyes made everything clear.

“Well…” Just being dragged out of her dreams, the young insectoid woman seemed disoriented.

“Insomnia three nights in a roll, I consider it an emergency. Otherwise, I surely wouldn’t have bothered a nice lady this late at night.”

“Since when our thunder dude has a sleeping problem?” Rocket’s face, together with a twig of Groot, appeared at the ajar cabin door next to Mantis’. “You always sleep like a log.”

“In one thousand five hundred years of his lifetime, one surely can be allowed to have a few days of sleepless nights.” Thor shrugged.

“I am Groot.”

Thor frowned, but soon he replaced the knot between his eyebrows with an orotund smile.

“No, not like that, kid. Go to bed,” Thor said.

“What did he say?” Quill asked.

Rocket held his arms at his chest. “He blamed you for keeping talking about his brother a couple of days ago though he obviously didn’t want to.”

“I said it is not because of that!” Thor raised his voice, his fists tightening.

“Hey, everyone calms down already.” Mantis grabbed Thor’s arm to show his way to bed. However, she withdrew her hand as soon as she touched him as if she groped for a lump of burning coal.

“Thor…” Mantis took a deep breath, gently held Thor’s hand again. Tears welled up in her eyes but didn’t roll off. She agape at Thor; slowly, her antenna lowered.

“Are you ok?” Rocket looked up to her and asked.

“It is…nothing.” Mantis sighed, “This is the first time I have no words to describe the feeling I empathize.”

Thor lifted his eyebrows: “I am intrigued. I don’t even know what I am feeling. Tell me about it. You are an expert of feelings, correct?”

Mantis kept her hand on Thor for a few more seconds until she heaved another deep sigh. Thor looked at her with eagerness and curiosity, but she eventually said nothing but “I will help you fall asleep”.

 

Thump!

The ship lurched violently on a loud crashing, and another quake followed. Thor managed to hold onto the wall with his elbows, then grabbed Mantis, holding the two tiny ones in his other arm. Less luckily, Quill was tossed over a few feet, hit by the burst door, screaming, tumbling on the floor. His coffee cup smashed next to him, coffee over his clothes.

“God damn it!” Quill moaned, struggling up with the help of Thor.

“Another sleepless night,” Thor tutted.

“Connect to center control!” Quill shuffled out, shouting. “Nebula, are we under attack?”

Nebula, who was on the night shift, responded calmly and fast, “No, just millions of asteroids. We are in an area full of unstable minor celestial bodies and other objects. We are entering…well, a space junkyard.”

All the members on board gathered in the center control shortly. The ship veered and swung like a child’s tossing toy. Thanks to the twenty pounds he had lost, Thor managed to stuff his flappy belly and enormous hip into the seat right before another turmoil came. Thor almost bit his tongue under the impact. He heard a vague shrill, unsure it was Rocket or Groot, or even Quill.

“I am afraid our weapon system is malfunctioning,” hurry-scurry on the controls, Rocket said. “It was damaged in the battle against Thanos, you remember?”

“I thought it was fixed?”

“I thought so too until now.”

Thor’s temples throbbed intensely, not sure if it was for the lack of sleep, or the shaking and tumult. Or maybe more.

“How about…” He forced himself to speak calmly. “…we avoid this area. Let’s make a detour.”

Quill snapped, “This is a detour! If not for some idiot who keeps meddling with the designated track, we shouldn’t have been here!”

“Now the blame shifts on me?” Thor heard the puny noise of a breaking string in his brain.

“I have a plan, and you keep messing with it.” Quill yanked the handle and smashed on buttons. “What is the problem with you? If you want to go somewhere, let me know, and we can make a plan, otherwise, just shut up and follow my lead!”

“You never told anyone where you are going!” Thor’s chest rose and fell rapidly. “You made dozens of jumps, flew into some crazy area and almost led us into a black hole, and now you are talking about a plan? How about I have a plan for you: you figure out the map and set up proper navigation for an unknown area before you go to a planet you have never been to! A good captain doesn’t lead their crew into danger without informing them the real intention.”

Quill banged his hands on the seat but said nothing. After a few thuds and whack on the outer shield, Nebula turned her face to Thor.

“He didn’t have to. We know.”

Rocket nodded solemnly.

Thor’s eyes turned from the disturbing rocky space to the navigating map on the screen. They are reaching their goal--Zen-Whoberi. He vaguely remembered this name, a planet the Guardians of Galaxy had mentioned a few times before.

All of a sudden, laughter burst out of Thor’s throat; it was short and harsh, even terrifying. Everyone looked at him as if they saw a monster.

“I think I got it, Star-Lord. Just one more question. How are you going to achieve your goal?”

“I refuse to answer such a bad faith question,” Quill said, “I don’t feed the trolls.”

The ship dodged and steered into a relatively open area. Quill’s hands were shaking, knuckles white, albeit he kept his composure, skillfully and confidently maneuvering his spaceship.

“Because you have bad faith in the plan yourself.” Thor refused to let go of his acrid words.

“Thor, he knows what he is doing,” Mantis said quietly. “We have faith in him.”

“I guess you are right, judging from the fact that he doesn’t attempt to steal a Soul Stone from a random alternate reality and bring it to Vormir to apply for a refund.”

A loud smashing came not from the outside but Quill’s direction. Star-Lord unbuckled and raised from his seat, striding to Thor with cracking fists. Thor didn’t move an inch. He caught Quill’s fist before it hit his jaw, and parried the other aiming at his left eye, but failed to block a foot kicking on his shin.

 _This guy is genuinely mad._  Thor stared at Quill’s eyes, thinking. Thor was mad too, not precisely at Quill but someone sitting in his very soul that he couldn’t quite identify. Instead of fought back, he pushed the angry man away. Secretly in his heart, however, he wished Quill had hit him again, harder and fiercer.

Drax dragged Quill back to his seat and bucked him up. The latter remained quiet, other than the huff and puff out of his mouth and nose.

“We will search the planet where she was born, and start from there,” Rocket explained, “We are family. We must find her.”

“I get that, rabbit, but you see…” Thor rubbed his long beard, the hairs tangling and knotting between his fingers. “I mean, the Gamora who was our friend is gone. She can’t be brought back, we have tried. As for the time-traveled Gamora, she might be somewhere in the universe, but most likely she turned into ash with Thanos. She was still one of the Black Order when Tony did the snap, right?”

Nebula snorted, “I don’t think so.”

“If you didn’t see she turning into ash by your own eyes, and mind you, nobody did, then I have reason to believe she is still alive,” Quill said. “And I will find her. Even if she had died, I…I have to try something, if not bringing her back, at least seeing her last time.”

Thor’s face was burning. He couldn’t help but raised his voice, “How? We figured out time travel but still can’t—”

“ _You_  didn’t figure out anything, Thor!” Quill scolded. “Tony did, and he sacrificed himself for the mission. You were supposed to help Rocket to obtain Reality Stone, yet you turned that into a farewell party with your mom.”

“He did help though, a little.” Rocket swallowed, unavailingly trying to ease the wrath of Star-Lord.

“What have you done in the past five years, huh? Nothing! You cared about nothing! You didn’t even care about your people, your majesty.” Quill kept rolling on with his rage, “Talking about your failure and loss is forbidden according to your supreme law. No one interrupted your drinking and gaming and whatever uselessness and self-indulgence you sat your depressed, alcoholic ass on.”

“Wait, this is too much,” Rocket said, looking at Thor with a troubled expression.

Instead of being irritated into fury and frenzy as Rocket worried, Thor felt the balloon inside him filled with anger and frustration anywise popped and shrieked within a few seconds. He slouched in his seat, staring at the space jumble outside. The harsh words of Quill drifted afar, becoming irrelevant to him. The curtain of bleakness fell abruptly into his world, cutting him off from anything that mattered.

“You…you don’t understand.” Squeezing some responses from the blankness, Thor bumbled. “You were, at the moment, uh…”

“Died. And I wish we could swap positions. I might have been able to do something to save Gamora if I had been back to the past, at least I would have given it a shot instead of being a coward who dare not facing his failure.”

“Before your conversation leads to another childish brawl, both of you need to see this.” Nebula pointed to something outside, not so distant: A chain of asteroids, together with some space junk, small and big pieces; they formed a gigantic serpent, wiggling and slithering, blocking their way of advancing.

“Shit! Is that a monster or some junk?” Drax rubbed his eyes. Everyone knew well that everything could happen in the space, but that knowledge barely qualified as proper preparation.

“Monstrous junk. Quite a unique scene, I have to say.” Rocket’s claws clutched on his seat armrests. “Even junk strives to impress others. How touching.”

Nothing felt real for Thor, the ship and people, and the monster. He found himself sitting behind an invisible screen, isolated from reality. Yet he was pulled gradually back into the trouble at hand, with which more unwanted, buried roils within him skulked back into his very being. He shook his arms and head to get rid of them; how persistent they were, unfortunately, melting into his skin and flesh, becoming part of him.

“How about the emergency defense system?” Quill yelled.

“Deploying. Fingers crossed that it works!”

“Whatever! I am not afraid of some junk snake!”

Thor inhaled deeply. In the flash of the explosion and earsplitting blare, he raised from his seat, holding out his hand to summon his weapon.

“Spacesuit.” He stretched out his other hand, palm up.

“What?” Quill frowned.

Thor stepped up, took the suit from Quill’s hand, looking down on him, “You have your emergency defense here.”

 

As soon as they landed on Zen-Whoberi, Thor leaped into a river and merged his whole body into the water. Coolness and fresh flowing carried away the burning pain on his skin and wounds. Regardless of the broken rib—a minor injury for an Asgardian warrior like him, Thor felt revived and relaxed.

In quick browsing, this planet was desolated, densely vegetated with little trace of the existence of intelligent beings. Thor recalled Gamora mentioned that her people were slaughtered by The Dark Order long before Thanos’ snap. It seemed the reversed snap wasn’t able to bring back all the people of their kind. Despite the passing time, the wounds of Zen-Whoberi left by the atrocity of Thanos was still bleeding.

“I thought you malfunctioned more than our weapons. Sorry, I was wrong.” Quill said to Thor, “You were heroic back there.”     

“To be honest, I am quite broken. Shamefully, I got hurt by that piece of trash.” Thor sat up, stretching himself, water splashing around him. “Nevertheless, dealing with that rocky junk monster didn’t require a fully loaded god of thunder. If I were as strong as I used to be, I could have easily torn that thing into pieces with my bare hands. Come, help me up.”

Quill smiled, grabbing Thor’s hand, “Well, thank you for saving us. And sorry for lashing out on you earlier.”

“No need for apologies. I was a total asshole.”

“Still, I shouldn’t have said I wish you died. That was a terrible thing to say. Stupid. Unforgivable.”

Thor shook his head. “What if I was indeed died, merely an ash-stuffed empty form?”

Quill pressed his lips together tightly and stayed in silence for quite a while. Finally, he said, “So, you feel alive right now after the fight? At least a little bit alive-r?”

Thor laughed. Splitting pain grabbed his injured rib, creeping up to his chest, heart, and lungs. His laughter died down as he lowered his body to the ground.

“Rest well. We will build a camp.” Quill said softly.

Insomnia gladly left Thor alone tonight. However, it was the most disturbing sleep Thor had ever had in years. Hardly any rest was involved that he would instead describe it as losing consciousness after being hit by a mental club on his brain. Painful, unsettled, and anxious, Thor found himself floating in the space.

The blurred boundary between reality and dream. Endless wandering. Losing the sense of time and space, he was surrounded by total darkness, mentally suffocated. The distant shining of stars, unreachable; the blast of the explosion, and the opposite direction, the fade signal of the spaceship. He failed to seize on both.

Then he saw a pair of green eyes, nothing else but the beautiful, mesmerizing gaze, drifting in the darkness of space. His heart raced, and body paralyzed by the mysterious scene.

“Look at me.”

“I can’t.”

Thor closed his eyes in the dream, at the same time, opened them in reality. His hands were trembling, shirt soaked with sweat, and hearting beating as if trying to escape the confinement of his chest.

 

The search on Gamora’s homeland yielded no result. Nebula volunteered herself to stay and keep searching while Quill found some other lead and decided to move on to future exploration.

“You sure you can find more information here?” Thor asked Nebula when they were loading supplies onto the ship. He had further questions that he didn’t think asking directly was a good idea.

“You never know before you try.” Nebula answered, “Besides, back when I still hated her, I always wondered what are other Whoberis look like, or if they are all fierce and proud as that girl who always bested me. In retrospect, I realized I just wanted to know more about her. I still do.”

Thor smirked, scratching his disheveled hair, humming and hawing. There were some words, something more than words, drilling deep down into his heart, yet coming out shallow and pale.

“It seems we both used to have some sibling issue. I can totally understand you feeling.” Thor finally had his words organized, though not precisely what he had in his mind.

Nebula looked at him: “I thought you…”

“Aye, I admit I have problems with addressing certain topics. I couldn’t bring myself to think of some painful things through. But these days listening to you talking about your sister, I realized, I have the problem because I was always the ‘better one’. You understand what I am saying, right? There is always one sibling who was stronger, more capable, more desirable, maybe look better, but I am not sure about that, and more loved. It must have been very hard for the other person, yes?”

“Fully related.” Nebula nodded.

“And that makes me feel guilty.”

“But it is not your fault. It was not Gamora’s fault that she was stronger. In retrospect, if she just let me sometimes win to make me happy, I probably would have hated her for that too. I blamed her for being the one who just wanted to win, but I think it was a projection. I was no different.”

Thor smiled, “I see that paradox too, but aren’t there more problems than merely one being better, or more desirable?”

Nebula didn’t give Thor the answer, neither could himself. However, he doubted that he needed an answer at all, for the conversation itself was the best lead, and what Nebula did indeed inspired him.

“You know, Star-Lord,” back at the ship, Thor asked nicely. “I do have a place that I want to visit.”

“You should have asked earlier.” Quill smiled. “Star-Lord, at your service.”

 

——*——*——*——*——*——*——

 

The dim light of distant stars rendered the debris of Asgardian spaceship murkier and stranger than Thor remembered. The illumination of Thor’s suit was soon absorbed by the intimidating lightless unknown as he set his step out of their ship.

Thor looked back at their ship and pushed forward. He started to touch some pieces of items, mostly metal, sometimes charred pieces of corpses. Most of the substance had evaporated in the combustion, others lost in the universe. Thor brightened his lights, which helped him see more explicit what was left with the total destruction.

Rarely he came across some relatively well-preserved bodies, all mummified, and their faces hardly recognizable. He scrutinized each one, hoping, at the same time scared, to find the face that etched in his soul.

“You are here, right?” He asked with a little movement of lips.

 _What does it mean if I find you, or if I don’t?_  Thor felt bewildered.  _What am I looking for?_

He had moved quite a distance away from the ship of the Guardians. Its light became obscure that he could hardly tell it from the starry background. Loneliness, isolation, and aimlessness were imminent. He almost had the delusion that he was abandoned alone in the vast universe, together with the past death, failure, loss, and doubt.

Something hit him out of his rumination. He snatched it—a disintegrated torso of a Dark Order soldier. With disgust on his face, he was about to push it away, yet something pricked his finger and called his attention. He pinched it and pull it out, examining the golden metal piece. It was no more than three inches long, snapped into the monster’s body thus fully preserved. The curved cone-shape was somehow familiar, so was the spiky and sharp point, that Thor was sure it had been in his flesh once some hundreds of years ago.

Thoughts and memories flushed into his mind. Thor turned the light to brightest, looking closer and closer. His heart was racing and hands quivering.

The light didn’t function long enough for him to make sure what he was seeing. After a few flashes and clicking, suffocating darkness seized Thor. Motionless, he gripped the piece so tight as if he was trying to absorb it into his flesh and blood.

No need for more observation, it could be nothing else than a tip of the horns on Loki’s helmet.

Something flooded in his heart, crashing and washing it until his breath turned into gasps. It was the first time he realized that his beloved brother had remained here, this dark, cold and lonely place, all by himself in his eternal sleep for five years. How would that sensitive and delicate soul have suffered, after the most desperate death, in the abyss of nothingness like this? The sun hadn’t shone upon them; only darkness and oblivion, devoured all the hope he had ever had. Asgardians always believed in the existence of an eternal soul after death, but at this moment, Thor longed to believe the opposite. Loki’s death already imposed endless torment into him, at least he dared to hope it grant some peace to Loki.

A blinding beam of light poured upon Thor and forced him out of his mourning and desperation. He hastily covered his eye that the tip poked on his forehead. He cursed under his breath.

It was a small spaceship hovering over him, slowly moving toward him until the hatch door opened.

“Hey! Be careful with your high beam or you get a ticket!” Thor yelled at the figure emerged at the hatch door.

“When an idiot taught me driving, he kept it on even in the day time and got two tickets!” A hand grabbed his shoulder, “Come with me. We have a problem in New Asgard.”

“Valkyrie?”

“I am glad to see you here.” Valkyrie’s eyes shone with excitement. “Now, board up, hurry!”

“What? No!” Thor ditched her grasp, “What on earth is going on?”

“As I said, we got a problem.”

“Unless it is a whole army of evil aliens slaughtering the Asgardians, I won’t go back. You are the queen now so you should deal with all troubles.” Angered by the interruption of his melancholy, Thor’s tone was harsh.

“Invasion? A piece of cake. I am talking about a trickier issue that only you can deal with.”

“If nobody’s life is at stake, I don’t see the necessity of going back. I am out here to find my true self, remember?”

Valkyrie’s expression turned solemn. “Yes, this is exactly the problem I got.”

 

“Wow, wow, slow down…” On Valkyrie’s ship, Thor got perplexed after Valkyrie lengthy effort of explaining her trouble at hand. “Am I still following? You are talking about a…me, Thor, who somehow timed traveled here with Mjolnir, and took the throne from you…well, I feel I am crazy when saying these.”

“Good summary. And no, you are not crazy.”

Thor rested his fingertips on his cheek. “So, you are sure that guy is  _me_.”

“Could be Steve; he picked up the lightning hammer as well.” Valkyrie pursed her lips.

“No, I was thinking someone else when you said we got an imposter.” Thor murmured.

“Loki.” Without a second thought, Valkyrie gave the right name.

Thor’s breath halted for a few seconds; his hand squeezed around the helmet tip. “Come on.”

“Yep, I always mention the names you hate to. And we checked off Thanos.”

“Nay, I am fine with this one.”

“Really?”

Thor straightened up his torso. “Of course.”

“No, you aren’t.” Valkyrie insisted.

“I am. See, you even know I would go back to the debris of the ship to mourn him.”

“I didn’t really know. Might be mere instinct.” Valkyrie shrugged, “Besides, I have no idea where else to find you.”

“Fair enough.” Thor scratched his eyelids, “Back to the topic. It seems he is not, by definition, an imposter at all. He _is_  Thor. And you said he looks perfect.”

Valkyrie laughed: “I have never seen the same level perfection on you.”

“And more powerful than me as well?” Thor didn’t even try to cover up the sourness in his tone.

“I tested him briefly, but he showed no intention to fight. He wanted to prove that he is a better leader. He said we should let our people judge and choose. It sounds reasonable and irrefutable.”

“So, you let him take over that easily?” Thor sneered.

Valkyrie snapped, “We are talking about a leader, not a gladiator. I care about Asgardians and will do anything for them, and so does he. He got the job because he is more fitting in the position; he worked hard with skills and experience. I can’t say I agree with the way he approaches things all the times, and it concerned me that he seemed to have some anger issue. His mood can be quite unstable sometimes as well. But he carries out his duty without much to pick on, and people like him and respect him as a king. New Asgard is thriving under his rule. On what ground can I defy him, especially with the King of Sitting Around as his predecessor?”

Thor chocked upon his upcoming words. His eyes moved down to his fingers, which were fiddling the lowest button of his shirt.

“Well…I think I owe you an apology.” Thor muttered, “I put too much responsibility on you without asking you—”

“I am a warrior, not a queen.” Valkyrie interrupted, yet her tone softening, “But as I said, I would do anything for New Asgard even it’s not something I would usually choose to do. And…I shouldn’t have been that harsh on you. I had been on the same boat as you are once in my life. The days on Sakaar, I…”

Thor put his hand on her shoulder, pressing firmly. Valkyrie nodded and heaved a sigh.

“It’s fine, Thor, I understand you. Until today I still can’t bear to bring up her name.” She closed her eyes. “I don’t think I ever could.”

Innumerous stars, far and near, passed along the windows, merging into the lightless space. In the constant shifting between darkness and light, Thor slid his hand down along Valkyrie’s arm, reaching to her wrist, and sheltered her hand under his palm. He had never seen Valkyrie weeping; he was not sure if there were tears in her eyes even now, but it barely mattered. He patted on her hand slowly with a rhythm, somehow feeling her tears in his eyes.

“Thank you for giving me a new purpose in my life,” Valkyrie sniffled slightly.

Thor said nothing. He drew back his hand and rubbed his eyes.

Valkyrie pushed some buttons, then they made a jump. The fleeting dizziness and gravity-free experience unnerved Thor.

“I am glad I did something meaningful for you, maybe to me as well,” Thor said. “I can’t imagine who else would want to wander around the universe and take risks to look for me in a situation like this, especially after you have a better king already.”

“You deserve to know what happened in New Asgard, king or not, you are a precious member of our community and my best friend.”

“He is Thor as well.”

“Not the one I build a bound with.” Valkyrie shook her head. “What we experienced together is not part of his life.”

“How do you know that?” Thor asked. “Did he tell you what happened to him, and what made him travel through time and replace you—or me?”

“He shared little information with me. That’s part of the reason I decided to have you back.”

“And what was his take on this?” Thor leaned back, looking at the tiny blue sphere showing in front of them. “Guess it involved some level of violence.”

“I thought of the same too,” --Valkyrie smiled-- “when he caught me red-handed stealing the only spaceship of New Asgard. I was ready to fight him, but he was just standing there, looking at me, no inquiries, no weapons drawn. I was not sure what to do or say until I heard his words: ‘What are you waiting for?’”

 

——*——*——*——*——*——*——*——

 

The idea of meeting, talking, and even fighting oneself is already bizarre enough as a notion. When it came to reality, Thor found it nearly unbearable, especially when he confirmed with his own eyes that the time-traveled Thor indeed looked perfect: He wore a well-polished dark-golden armor, and on the lean muscle of his left arm attached a silver arm ring wrought in the likeness of two interlocked coiling serpents. His short hair was neatly combed, shiny under the sun, as well as the carefully trimmed inch-long beard on the smooth face. Oh, and one could never miss the blue, bright eyes, two tiny lagoons emanating vigor and enthusiasm. Thor put his hands on his belly and pinched his flappy skin under the unfitting clothes, speculating the possibility to run away from such an embarrassment.

Time-traveled Thor strode toward him, with Mjolnir in hand. The elegant red cloak flung on his shoulders, flapping in ocean wind and glittering with tiny silver sparks. 

Thor forced a grin, trying his best not to step back from the other self. A mass of Asgardians gathered at the central square to see two thunder gods meeting each other _. Can’t blame them._ Thor thought.  _This is not something you can expect to see all the time._

“I bet you are from the future. I don’t remember my taste of clothing and grooming had been so…eh…exquisite.”

Time-traveled Thor said nothing. He stood two steps away from Thor, eyes on him. Thor was not sure what he read from the other’s face—complexity or blankness.

Thor couldn’t fathom how he should react to the other self. Would self-introduction be unnecessary or utterly important? Moreover, he sensed the unfriendliness before the whirling Mjolnir smote down to his skull.

By instinct, Thor deflected the attack off, caroming under the unexpected blow. Before realizing what was going on, time-traveled Thor flailed again.

“Whoa! What’s your problem?” Thor yelled, evading the unexplainable attack.

Instead of an answer, there came countless hits and blows.

Thor blocked and dodged. The attacks grew fiercer. Parrying off the hammer, Thor swirled to the side, aiming for his opponent’s leg. The latter bounced in a flip. Nimble and swift, the movements were not Thor’s own style, yet somehow familiar.

Their weapons clouted, then locked on each other. The two Thor staring at their other self in the stalemate.

“Look at you. Deteriorated, pathetic, indulgent in your remorse and self-loathing,” time-traveled Thor hissed.

“Stop it. I am not here to fight.”

“Oh, but I am.”

Thor pushed time-traveled Thor off. The latter staggered. Sparks danced up and down Stormbreaker as he hurled it, but a second late. Time-traveled Thor leaped aside and regained his balance on a pillar, rebounded from it, and dashed to Thor.

As much as time-traveled Thor’s attack was fierce and non-stop, Thor sensed that he was anywise reluctant to fight. He flinched at Thor’s failed swivel and block, which happened quite often with the heavy stomach, thus saved him from a few broken bones.

“I know you don’t want to hurt me—yourself, pal.” Thor grinned. “Shall we talk?”

“I have nothing to talk with you. You cared about nothing but yourself. Look into the mirror, and what do you see? You still dare to call yourself the god of thunder, the mightiest warrior of Asgard?” time-traveled Thor jibed.

“I know I’m doing horribly, but I—we Avengers defeated Thanos, twice. New Asgard is thriving, what else do you demand? I know you are doing perfectly well in your own reality, so please enjoy your glory and leave me alone!” Thor found his supposedly witted riposte filled him with unexpected frustration. He never expected to be greeted this way by another Thor, who earned the trust of his people that lost by him.

Time-traveled Thor’s bloodshot eyes were burning with rage, his voice hoarse and shaky. “Is that it? Don’t you forget someone else?”

 Thor tumbled back as if the words had hit him on his face. His pretentious composure was betrayed by his uneasy fiddling of fingers.

“Is that the reason you are here?” Thor sneered, firmed up his grasp on the hilt of Stormbreaker. “I don’t remember me being that sentimental. I simply did what I could, and I have to move on.”

He regretted it as soon as he let the worlds out. The more confident he showed as he talked, the more it made him a lousy liar. Albeit, he smiled his rue off and managed to keep the lie perfectly matching with his facial expression.

“You call  _that_ moving on? I went back to meet mother, and she said you didn’t even mention him, nor did he saw you going back in the time heist. You acted as you never knew this person. Was him nothing at all for you? Is that how you move on? Dare you say you ever loved him!”

“And why does that concern you?” Thor puffed, repressing his anger and guilt gnawing his heart. “If you are here to make me feel bad, you have already done that. Now leave me alone.”

Time-traveled Thor roared and jumped into the air. With the gust, Mjolnir thwacked down to Thor. Thor bent his knees into a defensive posture. He heaved Stormbreaker and yanked out as the metal clashed against wood. Mjolnir flew out of time-traveled Thor’s grip, but Thor lost a hold to his weapon in the bout as well. They both slumped on the ground.

“Are you feeble or coward to fight?” Bellowing, Thor jerked up back to his feet. “If you are so mad of me because of Loki, then come on and beat me! Kill me if that’s what you want!”

Time-traveled Thor said nothing. He thumped at Thor with his bare fists, but Thor tackled the wrist and wrenched over. Without his weapon, time-traveled Thor’s strength seemed much abated; but he moved faster with the lack of extra weight. He whirled over Thor’s head to negate the power of the twist and landed a forceful kick on Thor’s back.

“Ouch!” Thor winced. Lightning gathered in his hands. He plunged to his opponent, who evaded a few fisticuffs but not the lightning strikes.

Time-traveled Thor shuffled a couple of steps back before he regained his balance. There was clearly some burning wounds on his hands and face.

“I never know the god of thunder burned by lightning. You are weak. You talk big and act small. I can crush you like I crushed Thanos.”

“You indeed have your brutal force, but what has it brought you?”

There was too much pain in time-traveled Thor’s eyes that Thor couldn’t bear to stare into it. Only fight solves everything at this point. Thor told himself and picked up Stormbreaker on the ground

“Not much, but what else do I need? Love?” Thor sneered.

“You are out of damn mind!”

For a moment, he thought he saw tears in time-traveled Thor’s eyes, but the latter left him little time for observation with a leap. 

They engaged again. Thor felt empty inside, blank in mind, and callous in the heart. He fought as if he was controlled by something else. The other Thor, on the other hand, fought like the last soldier of an entire army in the battlefield—he was about to lose, but lose with giving all he could.

Finally, Thor grappled the other one’s shoulder and put his blade on the neck. Time-traveled Thor thrust the hammer under the hilt, yet he appeared powerless against Thor’s might.

“Tell me, have you ever thought of doing something for…him?” Time-traveled Thor panted, asking.

“Why are you so persistent in blaming me for not saving Loki? Why is that important for you? Why?”

“You know why! You…I am nothing without him, just as he was nothing without me.”

Thor guffawed bitterly, “I don’t know where you draw that ridiculous conclusion. If you insist so, I will not try to convince you, because I don’t care.”

Thor yanked off the other self’s Mjolnir, but the latter clasped on Thor’s own weapon. They contended for Stormbreaker. 

Thor scoffed, “Let me tell you something.” Thor held up his other hand to summon his old friend, Mjolnir. “I am Thor, no matter what.”

“Well, I am not sure about that.” Time-traveled Thor let go of Stormbreaker and raised his hand overhead too.

 _That smile!_  At the moment when Mjolnir flew into time-traveled Thor’s hand, Thor almost thought he saw someone else.

“It obeys my command.” Time-traveled Thor looked at the hammer, glancing at Thor. “Thor or not, you are not worthy.”

Stormbreaker dropped from Thor’s hand. Thor scurried to the other self and grabbed the hilt of the hammer. Time-traveled Thor let it go with a sneer, and it plopped in between Thor’s feet. He called on his lightning and his strength, even prayed to his passed father and mother, yet it remained impossibly heavy for Thor.

Time-traveled Thor tutted, “I heard that in the battle against Thanos, you were able to use Mjolnir, but what’s wrong now? What should I make out of this little…inconvenience?”

“What the…” Thor cursed under his breath.

“Now I suspect the real Thor in this timeline is dead, or still out there in the space. You are an imposter.”

All the people around the square chattered and babbled. Thor saw distrust and panic on their faces.

“No, listen to me, I am…” Desperately holding onto Mjolnir, Thor was still trying to lift in vain.

Time-traveled Thor leaned over, propping himself with hands on knees, looking into Thor’s eyes.

“You are nobody. Even if you were the Thor in this universe, he had been long dead. You are nothing but a phantom of the past.”

“Now, citizens of New Asgard, heed me!” Time-traveled Thor straightened up and turned to the people around. “As you all have seen with your own eyes, this man here is not Thor, at least not the worthy one. He had done nothing for New Asgard, and even worse, he could be a secret enemy who resumed my form to destroy us.” Listening to the anxious chatter growing more and more agitated among the crowd, he paused for a quieting down, then continued with his decision. “As the King, I sentence him to death.”

“Your majesty!” Valkyrie stepped forward, one knee down on the ground. “Please reconsider it!”

The crowd fell in silent; the Asgardians looked at each other. Thor eyed everyone with a look of a plea. They somehow seemed so strange to him as if he had never met them in his lifetime; even Valkyrie looked distant and unfamiliar. At the moment he almost started to doubt if he was really Thor or just a husk with a soul of a puny being.

“The silence of my people has spoken disagreement loud enough. Very well, a good king listens to his people. I shouldn’t hasten to make a decision on one’s life and death.” Time-traveled Thor declared his change of mind without hesitation. “I sentence this man to be imprisoned for now, until we find out who he is, and discover his real intention.”

Two guards marched forward, hands clenching on each of Thor’s arm. The surreal feeling rendered Thor almost paralyzed. It took a while until he found himself dragged by the guards to the direction of prison, as any scoundrels or menials dragged to their beheading or exile. For his remnant dignity, Thor struggled back onto his feet, blundered along with the pace of the guards.

 

Thor woke up in the deadest hour of the night, or fell into dreams after sleepless nights. Three days and nights had passed since he was tossed into this special prison prepared for him, with a chain shackling him on the wall. Darkness shrouded the small underground prison cell, with the only exception of dim, flickering candlelight through the bars of the iron door leading to the hallway. Without a window, it was dark regardless of the time of the day, only the guards who brought him meals and water reminded him of the cycle of time.

Thor slouched into the straw pile, back against the wall. There was a faint sound of dripping water, but he couldn’t quite distinguish which direction it came from. He moved little during the days, even with his spine hurting and muscles sore for staying in one position all day long. All strength was drained from him since that day. Now he felt his life force was seeping into the brick wall, as the dampness and coldness seeping into his bones, freezing his very soul.

The light flickered violently as if disturbed, drawing Thor’s attention to it.

“Someone there?”

The iron door remained solemn, and the candlelight calmed down. Thor sighed, slid down, and buried his face into his arms. Another illusion of someone coming for him. It became more and more frequent as time passed. Since the first day he was brought here, Thor realized he was, or had been, living in the state between life and death, reality and hallucination. The numbness was in full control of him until now, in total isolation and discomfort, that it faded into the background as something sharply painful gnawing every fiber of his being: his parents, Ragnarök, his friends, and Thanos. Everything circled him, around and around, with a mysterious yet unmistakable blankness in the middle that he hadn’t dared to poke on…

…until now, he saw that face loomed the iron door.

For the moment, Thor forgot to breathe. The cell was somehow misty that everything seemed surreal, especially with the vague figure that deprived his trust on his own eyes. He had enough reason to believe he was in a dream.

He turned onto his stomach and crawled forward. There was some distance between his inner cell bars and the door, and his fetters refrained him from reaching hands over the bars. Nevertheless, he struggled, stretching his arms, as if he could touch the face as long as he tried hard enough.

“Loki?” He parted his chapped lips. He felt thirsty, not for water since he had plenty of it, but something intangible, unspeakable. Never had he felt that thirsty as now, reaching to the impossible figure, which was the only thing quenches his scorching thirst.

For a moment, the mysterious mist thickened, almost engulfing the faint moving shadow. But soon Thor found that it was closer to him, a few steps away from the bars, standing still as a statue. The bright green eyes shone over the obscurity of the face and other parts of the body.

“I knew it! I knew you’ve been alive! You faked your death again, didn’t you?” Thor shouted hysterically, jumping to his feet, “I knew you would be alright! Come and give me a hug.”

Thor’s open arms embraced only silence. Loki’s face remained solemn, not even the slightest twitch. Thor licked his lips and swallowed, lowering his arms.

“This is a dream, right?”

No replies. Loki moved forward a little, and Thor could see his face clearer. He looked more aged than Thor remembered, and something about him felt quite different. Thor blinked, trying to determine what he was seeing.

“For five years I have never dreamt of you…no, I lied. I did numerous times but had never seen you this clear, this close. I have been waiting for this moment for so long.”

Loki wended silently, then stopped right at the bars. Thor stepped forward, but the chain pulled his leg. It felt too real to be a dream. He even pinched his ears, burying his fingernails deeply into his skin until he frowned upon the pain.

Thor stretched his arms, his fingertips one inch away from the man he had longed for yet avoided to think about at the same time.

“Please come closer, Loki. Please,” he pleaded, voice trembling. “I miss you so much.”

Finally, some changes showed the expressionless face. Loki closed his eyes tightly as if he wanted to shut something out.

Thor pulled the chains with all his strength. The fetter and bars in this cell were enchanted with magic that could hold a mighty god like Thor. He tried his thunder and muscle on it, then gave up after a few tries, for he had no prospection upon escaping. However, now he had all and only reason to break out from his shackle—to touch Loki standing right in front of him. The fact that Loki was one inch away, but the fetter prevented him from a hug maddened him to the peak. Ignoring the pain on his ankle, Thor bellowed and pulled with all his might.

Clank.

The fetter cracked, throwing Thor out of balance. It was clear that Loki’s lips parted with surprise. Thor tumbled forward, arms widely opened, ready to hug his brother. The burning smile on his face, however, froze and shattered as he fell on the iron bars, his reaching arms sticking out through Loki.

Something warm dripping down Thor’s cheeks and lips, either his nose bleeding over the fall and hit, or tears, likely both. He held himself up, turned around, and gazed at Loki—a ghost, or merely Thor’s hallucination, walking through the bars and Thor himself.

Thor wiped off the warmth on his face, leaning against the bars. The pain on his ankle made it hard to stand straight; he slid down slowly onto the ground. The taste of blood stung his tongue, and tears fogged up his sight again and again, regardless of how many times he wiped them off.

“Loki…”

Loki turned around, with the astonishment remained on his face, he lowered his body to the same level as Thor, one knee on the ground. He lifted his arm, as if wanting to touch Thor’s face, yet flinched back right before Thor’s hand reached his.

“Tell me I am dreaming, brother,” Thor murmured, reaching out to Loki again. “Tell me it is my mind tricking me because I miss you too much. Tell me you are not a ghost. Tell me you are still alive somewhere in the universe waiting to return. Tell me what should I do to have you back. Tell me…tell me I haven’t been deceiving myself for all these years…”

There was nothing to be told from Loki, nor from himself. Everything is crystal clear thus to be scary: His arm stretched through the translucent body of Loki, fingertips on the cold, dank bricks.

Thor fell forward, onto all fours. His and Loki’s bodies overlapped; an intimate touch separated by the realms of life and death. Thor looked down. It was strange to see Loki’s knees and feet sticking out from his stomach.

Thor convulsed, his eyes burning yet dry. A peal of hysteric laughter burst out like an explosion in his thorax, shattering his heart and lungs. The laughter soon turned into bawling and squall, gradually dying down as Thor buried his head into the straws and dirt.

Then the convulsion became violent. Thor laid on his side and curled into a ball, arms holding his knees. His fingernails sank into the skin on his legs, seeping with blood. The breath turned into shallow and tattered gasps. Blood caked into Thor’s beard and crusted on his face. He was the mighty warrior god no more, but a dying beast, too wounded to lick and tend his laceration.

Loki—the ghost watched him. His lips parted slightly and shut in silence. He sat down in front of Thor; his fingers curled, trembling as they ran down along the outline of Thor’s cheek and jaw, carefully not to be too close or too far away. Thor saw something glittering in Loki’s eyes, something like tears.

The sight on Loki’s tears struck Thor on his stomach, in a literal way that he retched. Tears gushed out from the irritation in his throat. But he dared not to close his eye, for his fear of the memory forced into his mind—the memory of Loki’s last teardrops as he lying lifelessly in Thor’s arms, eyes still open with the despair and agony yet to fade away.

Thor retched again; this time, only bile came out. He barely ate these days, and now he felt like being turned inside out.

“Please…let this end…” he pleaded into the void—not to Loki, not to anyone. Once in his life, he understood why people on earth treated them like gods. Because they needed to.

At the moment, Thor needed gods or whatever higher existence to save him from the unbearable anguish.

The anguish, to his dismay, he realized, that he had to live with for the rest of his long life.

When he came a bit back to himself, he mere saw Loki turning away from him, rising to his feet.

“What…you…”

Loki walked toward the wall as his figure faded. Ignoring the pain on his ankle, Thor struggled up, attempting to catch the phantom. Again and again, his hands drove in and out of the nothingness left behind by the ceased being, the vainness of his passed love.

Into the wall, Loki’s ghost walked without looking back.

“No! Loki!” Thor yelled with a voice of splitting fabric. “Loki! Don’t leave me! Loki!”

For a while, Thor couldn’t tell if he was conscious or not. He repeated Loki’s name under his breath; he fumbled every inch of the cell as if Loki was hiding somewhere, playing a trick with him. Upon exhaustion, Thor collapsed onto the straws, shaking and crying, and noticed nothing of the soft sobbing outside the iron door.

 

The flash of lights almost blinded Thor. He propped his body up against the wall. With his still-adjusting sight, he saw time-traveled Thor, pale as paper, with black circles around his eyes.

The expression on time-traveled Thor’s face was hard to comprehend. First Thor thought it was repugnance—it wasn’t unexpected; Thor knew what he looked like right now: A shaggy man with stupid fat belly and tattered clothes, covered with blood and vomit and dirt, beard and hair tangled and knotted, smelling like a pig in its long unattended pen. He was surprised that time-traveled Thor didn’t kill him on sight out of disgust—he would have done that if he had still been the Thor five years ago.

“Look at me. You called me pathetic and damn you are right! This is what I become of,” Thor giggled neurotically. “This is who I am without him.”

As if taken aback, time-traveled Thor frowned slightly. He put his hands on the bars, leaning forward, and said nothing. The repugnance now looked like something merciful.

“What are you doing here?” Thor snarled. “To bring me to trial? I say you better save it. Sentence me to death as you originally planned. I am looking forward to it.”

Time-traveled Thor cleared his throat. “Why asking for death? I see you broke your fetter. I thought you planned a jailbreak.”

“I did, but no need for freedom anymore now that I know why you time-traveled here. I know it very well.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You are here to save me from illusions that the devastating despair and desperation forced into me. For years I have lived in denial and avoidance, I gave myself the false hope, yet deep in my heart, I have always known it is merely my wishful thinking. Now it is gone. I am done. You are here to help rebuild Asgard so I can embrace death peacefully. Give me the final rest so I can reunite with him in the realm of the deceased. Make it quick…no, I take it back. Strangle me so I can experience the pain that tortured him to death.”

Then he laughed with tears rolling down. He forced himself up and shuffled to the bars, grabbed the wrist of time-traveled Thor.

“Give the order already you fool! …no, no no no no, my apologies, your majesty.”

“You are a madman,” time-traveled Thor burbled after a long quietness.

“Why, I thought you already knew it. Didn’t you say I am out of my damn mind when you blame me for not doing anything to find Loki?”

The name seemed to spurred time-traveled Thor: his body shivered as Thor splutter it out.

“I see, you lost him too. I have been wondering, but now I am sure. You coped it differently…well, I can’t say that because I didn’t cope at all. I just pretend the problem never existed. You, on the other hand, become a time-traveling regulator to police your other selves in multiple realities. Good for you and keep up with the job, because I can’t do it. I can’t do anything. I was dead the day he passed away; I am a husk of the past self, a husk I can’t even keep in shape. I know how disappointed I made you. Now destroy me and end the torment for both of us.”

“At last, you said something makes sense.” Time-traveled Thor chuckled. “You reckon I lost him too?”

“Look at you. Listen to what you said. Don’t pretend nothing had happened. You are a man smote by grand loss, just like me.”

“What if I tell you the course of seeking for my brother brought me here?” A subtle change had occurred in the manner of his speaking, but Thor hadn’t had a gist of it. “What if I still treasure some hope in my heart?”

“You believe you can have him back?” Thor shook his head. “You are as illusioned as I was.”

“He is bound to be alive in another universe. Incalculable alternate universes exist, and I believe I can find my lost love in one of them.”

“Now you talk like a madman, out of help.” Thor plopped onto the ground. “It makes no sense. The Loki in another universe is not the one you know. He might be a totally different person. Or even if he is, say, close enough to whom you had, then what? Do you plan to steal him like Hawkeye stole a basketball mitten? I don’t even know how that works but given it doable, what about the Thor in that reality? Are you going to hurt one of your selves, whose pain, however, is unknowable to you? You are out of your mind.”

“Has one possibility ever crossed your simple mind?” Time-traveled Thor crouched down, looking straight into Thor’s eyes. “In one, maybe more, of the multiple universes, Loki lost his Thor, so he lives in regret and pain, from which he needs to be saved from. All the despair and avoidance and agony you have these years, he has it all. Knowing that, would you just sit here like a pile of trash sitting in the dumpster and do nothing to his suffering?”

Thor’s eyes widely opened, partly because of the novel and bold idea that rekindled his flame of hope, also for the odd but familiar feeling that his speech brought him.

“What…are you talking about? I mean…I heard you would die if you stay in another universe for too long…”

“You wouldn’t if you do it right. Of course, it is not easy or safe.”

“But you figured out a way, don’t you?” Thor blurted out, straightening his body. “Tell me what to do!”

“Why, you want to go about an adventure? I am not sugarcoating it to protect your puny hope: It’s perilous. I nearly got myself killed in the experiments numerous times. And I was lost in the gaps between time flows and realities once. No exaggeration: it was the most horrifying moment of my entire life. You have never experienced any terror like that, and I doubt you could survive it.”

“Let me die from whatever I encounter, as long as I die on my way to find him!” Thor struggled up with the support of the bars, eyes shining and breath heavy. “You think you can give me a reason to live on, then scare me off from it?” Thor shouted with eagerness as he held his arm up for his weapon. “Who do you think I am?”

Clanging and shattering came from outside, then through the wall. Thor grinned when the stonewall broke off and pieces of bricks scattered by Stormbreaker. He tried it a few times before. He heard the axe beating and clashing on the outer wall, but failed to break through. Somehow, he knew it would be different this time, and he was correct.

“Whatever magic you used on the fetter and the wall”—Thor waved his axe, and the cell bars snapped like wooden sticks— “and the prison bars as well, you need a stronger one.”

“I am the best magician and enchanted them with the strongest magic. But you have a stronger determination, which is the key to nullify the enchantment.” Time-traveled Thor clapped his hands slowly and clearly. “Wonderful. Miraculous. I am totally in awe. I bow under your peerless physical and mental might.”

Time-traveled Thor then bowed profoundly and kept his back bent, head low as if he was frozen.

Hands shaking, Thor tore down the bars and stepped out of his prison. He thought he had been mistaken, but the sly and complacent smile he had a glimpse on couldn’t be an illusion. And he knew it was a smile that didn’t belong to Thor.

He put his hand on the time-traveled man shoulder, ready to push him up.

 

——*——*——*——*——*——*——*——

 

Whump!

The world crumbled around them abruptly. Before seeing the face that Thor was curious about, he was thrown out of balance. He let loose his grasp. Then another collusion and quake struck them. Thor saw the other man’s figure barely standing, with a falling chunk of rocky celling plunging down toward him.

“No!” Thor tossed Stormbreaker to it before he could get up. The axe broke off half of the rock but he could tell the danger was not gone yet. Without a second thought, he threw himself out, grabbing and pushing the other out. He rolled onto his back as he held the somehow much smaller figure in his arms to prevent any harm from the rough ground.

_Just like how Loki pushed me away from Thanos back on the ship._

The thought whisk through Thor’s mind. His fingers touched soft curly long hair. His grasp tightened.

“Are you alright?” Without looking at the man in his embrace, Thor asked softly. “I miss you so much.”

“Stand up, you fool. We are under attack!” There went the answer.

Before Thor got his sore and clumsy body up to the standing position, Mjolnir plunged in from the hole on the ceiling, then a streak of green light flew up. Thor jumped out onto the ground and lifted his chin, looking up to the sky.

He saw Loki, hovering over his head with Mjolnir in his hand. His green velvet cloak flung and spattered in the wind. The face looked more matured then Thor remembered, filled with solemn and earnest that it had used to lack, but the childish and wayward looking etched deep in his eyes, rendering him more fascinating.

Tears misted up Thor’s sight. But he had little time to admire Loki—the sky was split open by dark swirling portals. Warships and combat spacecrafts of Black Order was pouring out of it.

“I knew they would find a way to track me down,” Loki smirked. “I am surprised it took them so long.”

“Is Thanos still alive in your universe?” Thor lifted himself up into the sky, next to Loki.

“I killed him long ago with the remaining Avengers, but not all the minions he adopted. We hunted all of them down except Ebony Maw. As time passed, the Avengers disbanded. Most of them passed away, some left, some retired because of old age. It made me vulnerable. Not long ago, the hunter became the hunted.” Loki pointed to the gigantic black wormlike ship appeared amid a cloud of minor ones. “He somehow rebuilt the Black Order, at least partly, and remade this powerful Sanctuary III…no, Sanctuary IV, since we destroyed another one. Only one goal he seeks: vengeance.”

“You joined the Avengers? That’s …unanticipated. Not only that you agreed to join but the fact that they trusted you—given we shared some same experience in both of the reality.”

“We do, the same events happened in both of our universes until Ragnarök, leaving out some trivial things. I joined to fill up the vacant you left behind,” Loki explained. “And they trusted not me, but my rage.”

Thor lifted his head high, “Seeing how much the Black Order hates you, I guess your let your rage to wreak fatal havoc on Thanos and his Black Order. But…I thought Dr. Strange said we are the only one who defeated Thanos?”

Loki smiled, “How many possibilities he saw?”

“Fourteen million or something.”

“A small fraction of the diversity of alternate universes,” Loki said, his weapon ready as the Black Order poured in. “Don’t get me wrong, he is a great sorcerer and that was an amazing number he had seen. But there is way more mystery of the universe beyond anyone’s observation.”

Soon, another round of firing came from the gathering ships of the Black Order, only more vehement. Fires burned everywhere, and Asgardian warriors took up arms, protecting the children and elderlies, ready to defend their land.

“I kind of miss the scene of the perfect me fighting.” Thor smashed a spacecraft as he shouted to Loki. “By the way, it is impressive you learned to hold an illusion for so long, even in battle.”

“I have learned so much beyond your imagination.” Loki flung Mjolnir out to crush a few Black Order soldiers. “I can assume your form if you like. Which one you prefer? You or me?”

“You, of course!” Thor grinned. “I got tired of myself long ago.”

Together with the air defense system of New Asgard, Loki and Thor destroyed quite a few ships; soon Valkyrie joined on her Pegasus. The few combat aircraft and the only spaceship later joined the battle as well. The portal disappeared after the whole fleet of Black Order showed up.

“I thought there were more of them,” Thor shouted. “These guys should be a piece of cake.”

“You will die with your unseemly optimism.” A familiar voice came from the top of the warship. Tracking the sound, Thor saw Ebony Maw. He looked awfully aged and more fragile than Thor had known. It seemed the last surviving son of Thanos went through tremendous trials that led him to his day of vengeance. Had his target not been Loki, Thor would have applauded him.

“My bad. I traveled out in a rush and it seemed I left cleft.” Loki smirked at Ebony Maw. “You made good use of it.”

“I don’t know how you made this happen, to not only travel through time but to another alternate universe. But no matter where you go, I shall hunt you down, Loki, to avenge my father.”

“Your father is a piece of shit, and I killed him twice.” Thor taunted. “Now your turn to taste the rage of the thunder god!”

Ebony Maw seemed to have zero desire to fight Thor. He teleported away.

“I am not here for meaningless fights. I am here for him.” He pointed at Loki, and a beam of blinding light shot from a cannon on Sanctuary IV. Loki fended it off with Mjolnir, then the other one he barely evaded, and another came. Thor and Valkyrie were preoccupied defending Loki and their town.

“With my newly invented powerful plasma cannon, I will destroy everything you have, Loki. You will know the pain I have been suffering for all these years!”

“Your crazy father had already done it!” Loki gritted his teeth as he yelled back. “I killed him for vengeance.”

“You ruined his grand plan! He was doing it for the mercy of all beings!”

“I don’t care those vagaries you procured. Thanos murdered my brother.” Loki plunged at Ebony Maw. “The only one who I care about among all beings.”

Before Mjolnir crushed the skull of Ebony Maw, an unexpected beam struck Loki down.

“Loki!” Thor roared, rushing toward Loki as he fell. Gladly he caught him before he crashed onto the ground.

“I am fine…” Loki coughed out blood, but was still able to stand up.

“Well, thank you for giving me enough time to deploy my ultimate weapon.” Ebony Maw’s laughter reverberated among the roaring of engines and firing. “It is overpowered for a bug like you. But I am glad to see your precious new home burned down to ashes.”

“No way…” Thor gasped. The entire Sanctuary IV changed shape into a huge flying cannon, surrounded by scorching light of energy, ready to fire.

“Well, it seems it’s also overpowered for your little town. Half of the earth will be impacted. Good luck with your new phase of life.”

The crowd screamed and fell into chaos as the beam struck down. Even the mightiest Asgardian warriors were merely worms in front of such a catastrophic offense.

But not Thor. He was the legendary god of thunder.

Without a second thought, Thor lifted himself up with Stormbreaker high above his head. He conjured lightning and held it out as a shield. The cloud shrouded the sky and thunders rumbled around. The sea was boiling, waves dashed to the sky and swallowed some of the Black Order ships, and more of them turned into ashes and debris under the rage of the firmament.

But the beam only grew stronger. No lightning could destroy the Sanctuary IV. Thor’s body started to tremble, and his hands became unsteady.

“It is impressive you could hold it up for this long. But to think this is all its power, you are foolish.”

Ebony Maw raised his arms. The lightning illuminated his dark figure. All of a sudden, the air swirled around the cannon, sucking all other ships and spacecrafts, together with Black Order soldiers into it.

“They are sacrificing their own fleet to empower the plasma cannon!” Loki cried. “Hold on, Thor! I am on my way to help you!”

Before Loki even had his hands on Mjolnir, Thor cast a sphere of lightning, surrounding the entire town of New Asgard, with Loki enclosed in it.

“I will not see you harmed again, Loki,” Thor said without Looking back.

The growing beam went over Thor’s shield and struck on his protection sphere. The defense consumed his energy every second, also draining itself fast.

Ebony Maw tutted in the air. “Never thought it would come to this…Nevertheless, so be the end.”

He tossed himself to the glowing ball that Sanctuary IV turned into. His shrieking pierced through Thor’s ears, just as the suddenly grown beam pierced and shattered Thor’s lightning shield for himself, together with Stormbreaker.

The pain was ten times worse than the flame of Nidavelliri forge. It was tearing him apart, but not yet his protection cast on New Asgard, and more importantly, on Loki. Death came slower than Thor imagined, but not slow enough if he couldn’t find a way to hinder its steps.

“No! Thor!” Loki’s scream reminded Thor he was still alive. He wished he could give up and end the pain, but he knew he couldn’t afford to. Loki had to live this time, no negotiation, not even death was able to change Thor mind.

Just a little bit more power would suffice. Thor holding out his arm to the air, looking for something, anything that could lend him the force. The energy of Sanctuary IV was draining, he needed but a little more power to sustain a few more seconds.

This way, he would be spared by the nightmare in which Loki died again.

Then his fingers clenched on the metal hilt, lighting sparking on it, down to his hand, arm and whole body, giving the power he longed for. It was Mjolnir Loki took from his alternate reality, in which Loki was braver and more adamant then Thor in his own; now it deemed him worthy and answered his call.

He held up the lightning shield again. He focused his energy on Mjolnir. With a loud battle cry, he hurled the most massive thunder bold he could ever create. It thrashed against the plasma beam, pummeling into Sanctuary IV and smashed it into millions of pieces. They dropped into the sea and earth, flaring with glittering colors.

 _What a beautiful firework, definitely the most magnificent one I have ever seen._  Thor thought with a smile on his face, falling into total darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I chose not to use "Rape/non-con" warning for the sex scene. It is, by definition, non-con, but in the context of the story it...isn't really? At least I find it trivial. I do use the "dubious consent" warning label, which is more accurate.
> 
> The directors explained in an interview that Steve Rogers traveled to another alternate reality at the end of the movie, and came back to hand out the shield. Although I find it not making much sense, it is helpful for me to write this story. I make it more complicated though; hope it doesn't confuse my readers :)

Loki shambled to Thor, who was lying in the arms of Valkyrie. She landed and put Thor down attentively. All the healers of New Asgard rushed on and used everything they had on Thor, magic and science, and whatever methods they picked up on other planets. But no matter how hard they tried, it seemed Thor was out of hope. The plasma cannon burned out all his body hairs, and his clothes as well. Now he was naked, hairless skin red and burning like a boiled egg. If not for the dire situation, Loki would have laughed at him for the hilarious appearance.

Now he wanted but to weep, even though no tears coming out.

Loki focused his power in his hands and chanted some healing spell. He poured his magic, together with his life force into Thor. It was depriving his life, but no healers could stop him from this suicidal deed. Life itself was not much concern to him compared with Thor. 

“Don’t you dare to die, Thor!” Loki shouted as he was healing Thor. “For one hundred years I have been trying to bring you back. I abandoned everything, and this is my only chance. No going back, no more time traveling. If you give up now, I will chase you down to Helheim!”

Exhaustion made Loki dizzy and short of breath, but he refused to stop.

“Wake up, Thor!” Loki panted. “I can’t take this anymore…I can’t watch you die twice. You are the worst brother in the worse to abandon me twice!”

Blood dripped from the corner of his lips. He closed his eyes, yet pushing harder to his limit.

Valkyrie set her hand on Loki’s shoulder. “Loki, this is madness. You can’t bring a dead man back to life.”

“Silence!” Loki scolded. “He is a god. I am a god. I will save him.”

“People in Midgard call you gods, so do us, but we all know you are mortal. All of us are.”

“My love is undying.”

With all his last strength Loki bent over to kiss Thor, the forehead, the lips, then down to the neck and chest, and the chubby belly. On the lifeless penis, he paused and kissed trice; he couldn’t care less how many eyes were on them, for there was no shame or shyness in his passionate love. Then his lips moved down along the legs, to the ankle swollen from breaking the fetter, and finally the toes.

Veering back, Loki gazed into Thor’s closed eyes, as if he saw the flame of life burning in them. His fingers shimmering with teal light, he gently touched Thor’s temple with them.

“What are you doing!” Valkyrie gasped deeply. “It is a forbidden spell!”

For countless time young Loki had snuck in Odin’s private library and leafed through the abstruse ancient tomes. Rarely something had caught his curious and restless eyes, and this spell was one of them. Quickly, he’d learned it by heart, the spell that allowed two people temporarily to share their life force, wounds, essence, and even death with each other. He didn’t know the purpose of the spell at that young age, nor did he think he would have used it one day. Nevertheless, he had it etched into his mind as if this day was unseeingly foretold.

“Forbidden by my father,” Loki answered without looking at her. “He is gone. I am the King now.”

“You will get yourself killed if it doesn’t heal Thor.”

“Don’t you see I am dying too? I’m saving us both.” Loki smiled.

The spell was cast, and he felt his life draining into Thor. He felt his pain, the burning and throbbing all over inside him; his organs were distorted and squeezed, and head swelling and pounding. He collapsed on Thor, still conscious but not able to lift a finger. With almost inaudible guttural voice, he called Thor’s name, again and again. Thor remained silent, lifeless, even turning cold regardless Loki’s effort to warm him.

“So be it, brother.” Loki closed his eyes, whispering into Thor’s ears. “I shall meet you at Helgrind.”

“This is madness,” he heard an aged voice as his consciousness dissolving. “You are messing with the natural course. A price has to be paid for it. Why won’t you let him go?”

He had no strength to utter a single word for the answer. _How the words are so familiar_. He thought. In his world, people warned him with words like these for so many times that it became the background noise of his effort to reunite with Thor. The elderlies in Asgard, the sorcerers, the Avengers, and all the other people that he encountered in his odyssey. The further he trekked, the heavier the loneliness he carried on his shoulders. Nevertheless, he never paused his trudge.

_This is the only cause of mine, no matter what it costs._

 

For a moment Loki arrived at the gates of Helheim, right in the middle was the main one, Helgrind, surrounded by burning fire yet freezing as the everlasting winter of Jotunheim. He found no sign of Thor, and he marched on until the flame licked his feet and legs. The searing pain and bitter coldness seized him. He wanted to run away, but an invisible hand pushed him to the gate. Thousands of souls screeching and ululating inside it, weltering up and down, trying to escape, but the gate remained locked.

_Will I find Thor on the other side?_ Loki thought, giving up on rebelling against the force of death. Only if he could be with Thor, nothing was that bad. Even the feeling of flame and coldness faded as he had Thor’s face in his mind—no, it was in his eyesight.

Surprisingly he looked at Thor, the latter said nothing but clasp him with both arms. Sparks danced around them. Loki was paralyzed by the electrification. It was not painful though, if anything, the numbness insulated him from the torment of elements, and the power forcing him into the gate vanished as well.

The next moment, he opened his eyes and found himself lying on a bed. The room was messy, filled with the smell of beer and over-night pizza, but felt cozy. He shook his arms and legs, his hand meeting another warm hand next to him.

Loki jerked up and grabbed Thor’s shoulders.

“You are finally awake!” Valkyrie’s cheerful voice drew his attention to the other side of the room. He saw the woman whooshed to his side; a heavy slapping landed on his back. “How are you feeling?”

“Ouch!” Loki cried. “You hit harder than Ebony Maw!”

“Shut up,” she laughed with tears in her eyes. “We are all worried about you. I am so glad to see you waking up!”

“How long has it been?”

“Not too long, but for a while, we all thought we lost you. The healers did all they could. We were helpless. We even discussed a funeral for both of you.”

“That bad?”

“You were cold and breathless, what could we make of it?” Valkyrie shrugged.

“What happened after that? Something brought us back.”

In detail, Valkyrie represented the events after Loki fell unconscious. She remembered that she started to mourn them after several healers confirmed they had died, and other warriors took off their helmets, lowered their weapons to pay condolence. Someone wept silently, while others bawled and ululated.

A storm came from nowhere with no warning. The sky was blackened in less than ten minutes. Clouds daubed layers and layers of gray in the air until the somberness pressed down to devour the earth. The Asgardians heard boisterousness and turbulent rolling and pounding above them. Everyone viewed up over their head, wondering if more Black Order warships were coming. Fortunately, it came not their enemies, but friends—lightning and thunder, and the unprecedented downpour ensued. For a while, a wall of lightning and water surrounded Thor and Loki. No one could do anything about what was going on, or make sense of it. They waited in solemn, watching the refulgent lightning brightened the earth and sky. The storm died down together with the thunder after a while, but it felt like a whole season had passed. Soon the sun came out as if nothing had happened. The brothers were lying there intact, even better, with heartbeat and breathing, with colors on their faces and warmth on the skin.

Loki nodded as he listened along, and he smiled, “It was Thor who did that. He called upon the power of nature to heal him, thus me, since we were linked at the moment. Maybe we are not the immortal gods as some may regard, but Thor definitely demonstrated his divine power.”

“But why isn’t him awake yet?” Valkyrie asked.

“I don’t know.” Loki hunched over and kissed Thor swiftly. The warmth in the lips and face assured him that Thor was alive. “I know pieces and bits of the mysteries of souls, but I rarely used my knowledge in the real world. I can feel that he is right here, in this room. He needs to rebuild the connection between his soul and the physical body. I understand the principle, just don’t know how to help him yet. I will find a way.”

“When you have someone in a vegetative state, you talk to him until he hears you,” Valkyrie said. “At least that’s what I read in the news.”

“It might work, one out of a hundred times, taking about ten years on average.” Loki smiled wryly.

“Ah, I just recall that among the healers there is an aged gentleman who served in the court of your father long ago. I will find him and see if he has an idea.” Valkyrie hastened to the door. “You try to talk to him, if you do feel his soul around, you know he may hear you.”

_He will hear me._ Loki thought as he held Thor’s hand and kissed it. _My voice penetrates death itself._

But when he opened his mouth, his tongue knotted and lips dry. He rested his head on Thor’s chest covered by a warm blanket. “Thor,” he said, and nothing followed.

There came the creak of the floor, the creak of the door, and the creak of an elderly’s bones. He heard the aged voice calling his name but failed to recall the name it belonged to. He wondered if this man was one of the divergences between his and Thor’s reality, or the years of torment had deprived too much of his memories. But one thing Loki was sure: He was the man who spoke before he fell unconscious; those discouraging words belonged to him. _He does sound like a servant of Odin._ Loki thought with a smirk.

Deeply sighed twice, the healer moved the chair at the wall closer to Thor. Loki slowly lifted his head and watched the elderly went through Thor with a healing spell and other medical equipment. He cocked his head, enjoying the skillful work of the proficient royal healer. He still didn’t recall the man’s name, but it hardly mattered.

“He is stable, fully out of danger. He is not going to die from the injury, if taken care of, that I can assure you,” at last, he collected his tools and said. “But on whether he will wake up, or when if possible, is beyond my capacity to tell. If you ask my opinion, I would say no.”

“Do you know anything about souls?” Loki asked. “I may be able to find a way to rebuild the connection between his soul and body. I just need a little more help.”

“I don’t think I can help with that.”

_Of course. I knew it._ Loki rolled his eyes.

“In the name of Odin my King, I swore that I will obey his divine order and respect natural laws. I don’t do soul work or anything like that, although I possess some knowledge that I shouldn’t have.”

“You are saying you may know how to save him, but you choose to watch him suffer like this,” Loki said disgruntledly.

“The one who inflicted his suffering was you. I have no power to reverse it. No, I don’t think I can do anything about it. And you inflicted hundreds of injuries in New Asgard by attracting the Black Order to here. Those I can save.”

“Then you are done here. Go save others.”

“Loki, listen…”

Loki interrupted him, “I am the King now.”

“You ruled in disguise of Thor. You are not the King.”

Loki rolled his eyes. “Whatever, begone.”

“Fine, I will be on my way, your grace. But I have to warn you, ready yourself for your ordeal. He will be your life-long burden.”

“My brother is not my burden!” Loki snarled as the healer backed his way out of the room.

 

——*——*——*——*——*——

 

Thor was not Loki’s burden, but definitely brought him an ordeal at least in the following weeks. With all the healers and other medical professionals busy with healing other wounded warriors, Loki took most of the work of taking care of Thor. First, it wasn’t easy, the nurses complained that Loki will be the worse nursing student if he was unwise enough to choose this profession. He was not patient enough, as much as he tried to be, and always did things by whim. They attempted to convince Loki to let them take care of Thor, but Loki insisted on doing it himself.

Later he learned faster, and the day-to-day routine became easier. Once he had more free time, he began to put Thor on wheelchairs and pushed him out for a short walk. None of the nurses or healers liked this idea, nor did Valkyrie, but the one who could stop the god of mischief hadn’t been born yet.

The over-weighted Thor was a disaster in terms of any kind of moving around, but with the help with others, he managed to act upon his whim. At first, he took but short trips around the house or town center; later he grew bold and more confident, pushing Thor further away from the town. Once he managed to take Thor into the nearby hilly areas. The road was rocky and gritty, when they arrived at a small cave, Loki found himself soaked with sweat.

“Dear brother! You need to lose weight. Promise me, you will do that as soon as you wake up.” Loki said to Thor, as he always did in the hope that Thor would hear him.

“Let’s take a break in this cave. Heavy rain is imminent.” He sat down on a rock and put a hand on the wheelchair. “I got carried away this time and strayed too far away. I hope Valkyrie doesn’t get worried. I don’t want to be scolded again. She is terrifying when she gets mad. You know that, brother.”

It started to rain not long after they entered the cave. The little rocky roof barely kept the water out. Loki took off his shirt to shelter Thor from the rain. A strong current of shower, with thunder and lightning. Loki smiled.

“The New Asgard I rebuilt in my reality, it rained a lot,” Loki said, eyes on the misty forest in the rain. “After drifting in the space for almost a year, we found an unexploited planet and settled down. My first impression of the planet was its rain, which was always accompanied by thunders and bolts of lightning. I like it and hate it at the same time, for those reminded me of you. I missed you so much, and I sent out people to find a way to bring you back. I sometimes go to an adventure myself as New Asgard was thriving, needing less of my attendance. The people formed a ruling body, an effective one that a King was not essential anymore. And I was happy with where it went.”

The rain subsided a little after a short while of uproar and downpour. From the receding white veil of rain emerged the trees—first misty gray, then greenish white-gray, gradually the fresh and lively green color too over as the rain turned into a drizzle. Some flowers blossomed in the water of life coming from above. Loki collected some and waved it into a wreath and hung it around Thor’s neck.

“You look perfect.” Loki appreciated his work and his brother, grinning. “I can’t stop admiring you. It’s interesting to think I used to try so hard to get rid of you and steal your crown, but when I was free from you and had the crown, I only wished to have you with me. Without you, nothing seemed meaningful. I eventually descended from the throne after I realized there was no way to bring you back. For almost ten years, I was a hermit hiding in the mountains in New Asgard, in a cave not much different from this one, except being deeper and larger. I barely ate or slept. A walking skeleton I became. I meditated to ease my misery and find a purpose of living on.”

He paused, cupped his hand, and covered Thor’s jaw, caressing up to his ruddy cheek. _He looked healthier._ Loki thought with a smile.

“I did eventually, in another cave more similar to this one, also on a rainy day like this. It was the moment of enlightenment. I am here to share it with you, Thor. I hope you can feel my joy and prospect.”

They tarried in the cave for a little too long that day. Luckily Valkyrie didn’t see through the illusion Loki left that day, and Loki managed to sneak back in the middle of the night without being noticed.

Another thing Loki enjoying doing was to clean Thor. He took any offer of help gladly but leaving the job involving intimate contact exclusively to himself. Although told several times it was not necessary, he did it most of the days if time permitted. The water dripping down Thor’s flappy stomach, razor blades running over the newly-grown beard, carefully trimmed short hair, the fresh grassy smell of organic soap on Thor’s skin—he relished every one of the processes. Most importantly, the touch, on real Thor of flesh and blood, not the illusion he dared not to come close, or the false reflection in the mirror concealing his lonely heart.

Loki kissed Thor as he cleaned him, each inch of skin, fueling the fire within him. His penis stood hard and eager, poking at Thor’s soft flank. He rests his head on Thor’s shoulder. They both were naked, cuddling with each other. Loki rubbed his cock casually against Thor.

“You look funny; feel so too. But I love you, regardless,” He whispered, fingers moving down along Thor’s neck to his chest, pulling his new chest hairs. Then he straightened up, kneeling next to Thor, and grabbed his hand. He curled Thor’s forceless fingers around his cock, holding it tight with his both hands. He thrust, in and out, slow but steady.

“Oh Thor…for years I haven’t been with anyone intimately, it sounds very unlike me, doesn’t it? But the ones I used to have all disappointed me. Nobody is like you, brother.”

He’s thrust became faster and faster. He panted and held Thor’s fingers firmer. Hunching over as he moved his waist, he kissed Thor’s chest, tongue on one nipple.

Finally, he groaned as he spread his cum on Thor’s arm. He had to redo the cleaning on this part again, but it was no less fun even after he enjoyed himself.

A few weeks later a letter arrived at New Asgard. It was an invitation from Captain America—to be more precise, the former one, who was now in the dusk of his life. He said in the letter some persisting presentiment told him that there was not much time left, and he was willing to see his friends one last time.

“Oh, Steve.” After reading Thor the letter, all sorts of feelings welled up in Loki’s mind. “I remember Steve once said my madness is contagious. He is right; he caught it. Now that he regained what he had once lost, he can rest in peace. I have to go to meet him once more before it was too late. Thor, you have to go with me.”

As always, no response from Thor. Loki giggled regardless, resuming the form of Steve Rogers, not the vigorous young one, but an old man with a stick, face wrinkled yet eyes still bright and steady. He waddled and coughed exaggeratedly, talking in a tone of a clown in a show.

“Old and feeble I am, Thor, but to vanquish you in battle?…Khoff khoff! I don’t have to break a sweat. Khoff! Get up and fight me! I can do this all day! Khak!”

The illusion dissolved in Loki’s laughter. Loki was back to himself.

“Ha! That was fun!” Loki sat down next to Thor, folding up the invitation. “Oh, I miss that guy. He is funnier than I thought.” The grin on his face receded into a sad smile. “And without his help, I wouldn’t have been here. By saying ‘his’, I actually mean ‘them’—both Steve from my and your reality.”

“At the beginning, I thought about a time heist too. But soon, I realized it wouldn’t work.” Loki continued, fell into reminiscence. “I think you understand why. Regardless, I tried to manipulate with time, just to see where I could go from there. The technology I experiment was…a little too hazardous. But it was worth it, you know. Finally, I got to meet your Cap, who time traveled so many times that he caused ripples and disturbance in time flow, therefore easy to be spotted. I had to apologize for the trick I played on him. I think he was totally freaked out when he found himself traveled into the future for over a hundred years, in a timeline vastly diverged from his own. He didn’t believe it was possible until he met with his alternate self.

“But everything turned out well. He took a couple of trips for me and set things up quite smoothly. With his suit and the starting point that the Avengers sent him out, I traveled to the point where and whence they sent him out to return the Infinity Stones.” Loki chuckled as he was filled with the memory of his moment of fun. “Those poor guys were so panicked when they thought they lost Steve in the spiderweb of time flow, but thanks for that, I jumped in without being noticed. Time traveling to another alternate universe with set orientation? Until today I found it hard to believe I made it without being killed or turned into a monster. Maybe not yet. Maybe one day, I will start to dissolve and just…puff. I’m gone for good. So, if you want to see me, better do it now.”

Thor remained silent. Thor patted on his hand.

“It’s ok. Take your time. I am just joking.”

 

——*——*——*——*——*——

 

Not long after Loki heard from Steve, there arrived some old friends, to whom he yet to introduce himself.

Loki was awakened from a nap by some loud conversation downstairs. He first discerned the voice of a nurse who checked on Thor now and then, but his drowsy mind couldn’t make out the other ones yet, other than a loud and clear “I am Groot”.

_Groot!_ Loki rolled over land lurched to the floor. Then he was sure he heard Rocket and Mantis as well. They were his friends, and he was happy to meet them. He rushed to open the door, and the metal coolness of the doorknob cleared up his mind, reminding him that the Guardians haven’t met him yet in this universe. To make things worse, they believed that Loki had been long dead.

Before his sharp mind could bring up a coup to deal with the would-be embarrassing meeting scene, the door was pulled open.

Rocket was the first to dash in.

“Thor!”

The man lying in bed had no response to his raccoon friend. Rocket jumped onto his belly and patted his cheek.

“What is going on here?”

Before Loki could say something to explain the situation, Mantis asked, “Who are you?”

_Well, better start with self-introduction._ Loki smiled and nodded. “I am Loki…Odinson.” _Blast it! I should have said Laufeyson but whatever_.

“It’s impossible!” Rocket was upset because of the comatic Thor. He pulled out his laser rifle, pointing at Loki. “He is dead. Who are you?”

Mantis drew her weapon too, and Groot stretched his tree arms and legs.

“Wait, wait!” Hands up, Loki grinned as friendly as he could. “No need to get violence involved in. Everything is fine. You don’t want to hurt Thor accidentally, Rocket,” –he looked around to acknowledge the other two— “Mantis, and Groot. Ah yes, I understand your language, tree boy, just like Thor does. I am Asgardian.”

“I am Groot?”

“Yes, I am Loki. I bet Thor mentioned me to you guys quite a lot.”

“I am Groot…”

Loki shrugged. “I am not surprised. He did show some problems of denial and avoidance. He wasn’t doing well in the years of my absence. I apologize if he has ever been rude to you because of me.”

“You do understand.” Rocket frowned with suspicion.

“I told you I am Thor’s brother, see?”

Poking the barrel on Loki’s abdomen, Rocket didn’t let his guard down. “Did you fake your death again?”

“No. Loki in this universe is dead, but he direly needed one. So, I sent him myself as a replacement.” Loki joked. He explained that he traveled through over a hundred years, from another alternate universe, and Thor in his universe died in the battle against Thanos.

“It’s not possible,” Mantis said. “Traveling back in time can only send you to a point where you used to be. You can’t just go to any alternate reality as you want when you do time traveling.”

“Not true if you have an anchor.” Loki tried his best to make it less confusing. “You did the time heist, and you set a starting point so you can jump back to it, right? If you have someone else’s suit, with a bit of technology update, you can go to their starting point, even if it was in a universe quite diverged from mine.”

“You mean one of the Avengers in this universe helped you.”

“American sweetheart Steve, who else could it be?”

“But traveling to the future is tricky as well.” Rocket kept interrogating Loki. “There are so many possible futures connected to the point where you are—”

“You count them by billion, yes I am aware of it,” Loki said. “He could have been to any one of them.”

“And even if it was possible, why would Steve travel forward a century, into an alternate universe that has nothing to do with him?” Mantis queried.

“One question a time.” Loki carefully lowered his body and took a seat on the bed. “By the way, you need water?”

The second time the voice came not from the end of the bed but the other side of the room. The Guardian members darted their eyes to where the bedside table was standing, seeing Loki holding a water jar.

The illusion at the point of barrel vanished in a split second. Loki smiled, and his figure disappeared in front of their eyes.

“See, I have no intention to harm any of you, my friends, even though I can.” The voice came near, and a glass of water was passed into the hand of Mantis, and then Rocket’s and Groot’s. Loki reappeared in the chair next to Thor. “Please lower your weapon and have some water. I will explain.”

“I should have shot you.” Rocket hung his weapon back behind him.

“You think I am really here?”

Mantis put her hand on the arm of Loki and shook her head.

“No, I can’t feel any feelings. This is a convincing illusion. But it’s not you.”

The illusion smiled. “No matter. Give me a little bit of time to show off my advanced magic skill. It spent me three years to learn how to hold a substantial illusion for…”

It’s gone in a blink of eyes. Loki presented the real him, lying in bed.

“…for less than a minute.”

“It is impressive.” Rocket said. “And match the description of Loki that Thor gave us.”

Loki propped himself up and slid down to the floor.

“Let me begin with a question: you and your alternated self in another reality. Are you the same person?”

“I guess not. See how it worked out between the two Nebulas?”

“I think…we are? Or should I say, I am?” Mantis shook her head. “…I don’t know why I say that. Maybe intuition.”

“How funny the consciousness and subconsciousness conflict with each other, yet both are correct.” Loki smiled with satisfaction as he saw the bamboozled looing on their faces. “You are, and you are not—let me clarify: All the selves of one certain person are connected throughout the multiple universes, by something deeper than unconsciousness, deeper than the thing we call a soul, the true nature of which I yet to fathom. But I managed to scratch a surface of during my years of isolation; I found a way to reach to my other selves.”

“Ah.” Mantis cocked her head. “I think I understand.”

“I am…Groot.”

“I don’t understand either!” Rocket protested.

“Most of the time, one’s other selves in the vast number of multiple universities are inaccessible. By chances of near impossibility, you can access them in your dreams, briefly and blurrily, likely with senses distorted. Most of the people forget about the experience in the morning, or take it as a crazy fuss their sleeping mind created. However, if you train hard enough on that particular skill, you can get better access to them and have more control. If you master it, you will learn to build a stable connection with them. You can communicate with them in multiple ways: feel their emotions, see what the experienced, live through their lives, or even tell them what to do.”

“…Wow.” Rocket said. “Just…wow!”

“Can I learn it?” Mantis asked.

“Anyone can learn it. Especially you, Mantis—you may have a natural aptitude for it. I am glad to show you what I know.”

Rocket rubbed his chin. “I think it starts to make sense. Let me guess: You conspired with another self to trick Steve into an unexpected route. But how did you pinpoint his destination to you?”

“He has his alternate self with me, don’t you remember? I used his alternate self as an anchor. Now here is the realm of something problematic in terms of science. But since I made it happen, I guess it is…practical?”

After hearing Loki’s narration of working with Steve Rogers to sneak into this universe, the Guardian members finally grasped the gist of the situation. Briefly, Loki told them what happened to Thor after he arrived in New Asgard. On hearing his story, Groot extended his branch and touched Thor with the tender baby leaves.

“I am Groot…”

Loki sighed. “You ominous feeling about Thor is, unfortunately, correct. I think I am responsible for it. And I am trying my best to fix it.”

“You think he will wake up?”

“I know a little about soul work, not enough for me to heal him. I am not quite confident to say his soul is connecting back into his body, but he seems to do better than a few months ago.” Loki said. “Or it’s just my wishful thinking. Anyway, I might have an idea…”

He paused, frowning. He realized he forgot about another appointment with someone he was no quite happy to see, yet could be essential to healing Thor from his long sleep.

 

All of a sudden, the door swung open. Walked in the elder healer who used to serve Odin All-Father, a staff in his right hand. Loki forced a smile and greeted him.

“You are late,” the healer said with ire.

“My apologies. But I have some unexpected special guests.” Loki was about to introduce the royal healer to his friends, but he seemed caring little about Loki’s courtesy. _Well, you saved me from some embarrassment by being rude._ Loki sneered in his mind. _I don’t even remember your name, old man._

“The discussion we had last week, has it gone through your mind thoroughly?”

“Yes, I have the impression that you suggested me to murder Thor,” Loki smirked.

Rocket jumped. “What?”

“Putting words into my mouth doesn’t make your deeds look better.” The healer frowned. “Heed me, your grace. He was supposed to be gone. It is the natural course, the order of the universe. With the forbidden spell, you risked your life to accomplish nothing but lengthening and aggravating his suffering. He could have been in peace at Helheim. It appears to be gloomy and ghoulish, but you know very well it is not. You saw terror and torment because you resisted its call; they were all but in your mind. Look at Thor, he grows weak inside during the past months—”

“I don’t see that. His wounds are healed. He is healthy.”

“How do you call a man disconnected with his soul healthy? If you feel his soul, you can tell that he is not doing well.”

Loki contemplated for a minute and lifted his chin. “Again, you insinuate that you can feel his soul. I always suspect you can do soul work.”

“How many times do I have to reiterate? I _can’t_ heal him.”

“Do you mean you are not able to, or not allowed by your own consciousness?”

“Aren’t those the same thing?”

Loki shook his head with a bitter smile, “I know you are not giving anything for free, just like Odin himself. Go ahead and name your price. I am ready to give anything, even my life.”

The healer huffed, “What do you think your life worth compared with the order of the universe? Nothing, no, even worse. You caused all the suffering of our people, and Thor as well. He should have been able to live if not for you. And your existence in this universe is a mistake. I suggest you go back where you are from so we can have the problem fixed,” he eyed at Thor, said.

“That sounds easy enough.” Loki made a snap. “I go back to where I come from, and you heal Thor. Deal?”

Every one of the Guardians looked at Loki with disbelief. The old man seemed pleased by these words.

“I will do it, given you leave as soon as you can and never come back.”

“Yes, I will leave right now without even looking back. I estimated your price since we last met. Guess I am close enough.” Loki exhaled deeply, showing him the time traveling suit in his hand. “But you need to show me it is possible. Wake him up, and I am on my way.”

“You are a fabulist with no honor; I can’t trust you.” He shook his head. “They call you ‘god of mischief’ and ‘divine trickster’ for a reason. I don’t think you will keep your promise. You leave first. No negotiation.”

“I can’t trust you, either.”

“You have your friends here to keep me in line. What are you afraid of?”

“Fair enough,” Loki agreed.

Rocket jump up to Loki’s side. “This is madness. You are not doing it, aren’t you?”

Loki shook his head and rose to his feet. He walked to Thor, kissed him deeply on his lips.

“Farewell, brother. A thousand blessings to you.”

Then he faced his new, yet old friends, bid them farewell, shaking hands with all of them.

“Are you sure about this?” Mantis asked.

“Yes.” Loki held her hand with both hands and shook twice, giving a tacit wink.

“…I wish you good luck,” Mantis paused a second, then said softly.

“I…I am Groot.”

“But you—”

“I know what I am doing.” Loki interrupted Rocket. “Thank you for your concern. But I believe you want to see Thor back to normal as much as I do. There is no other way,” he said, wiping the tears from his face.

Rocket plumped on the floor, hunkering with his ears drooped.

It didn’t take long for Loki to get the apparatus for time traveling ready. He moved fast: set power on, wrapped the wrist band on him, and pushed the button to don the suit. No hesitation, no delay. The old man looked at him without saying anything. Loki’s eyes didn’t meet with his.

“May I help?” Rocket stepped up.

“No. I will help.” Mantis walked to the control panel.

“Are you sure about this?” Rocket asked implausibly. “You haven’t done this before.”

“It’s okay. It’s not that complicated. Surely a smart woman can learn it in a few minutes.” Loki donned his helmet and quickly showed Mantis what to do.

She followed the procedure as instructed. With a gust and swirl, a shimmering portal appeared in the middle of the room and a flash of light shrouded Loki. His figure vanished as the brightness passed. As soon as all indicator lights died out, Mantis shut the machine off and faced the royal healer.

“Your end of the deal, sir.”

The old man didn’t move. He closed his eyes and raised his staff, which glimmered as he swung it in the air.

“Are you tricking the trickster?” Mantis asked. “You need to heal Thor now.”

Instead of a response, he started chanting. He left his seat and circled the room.

“What is going on here? Is it the spell of reconnecting the soul and body?” Rocket asked quietly.

And the healer fell back into his seat, exhausted and pale. He pointed his staff to a corner of the room. There gathered all the sparks and glitters, and they formed into the shape of a person.

“Loki,” the healer pounded his staff on the floor to support himself up. “I am right on distrusting you. You broke the deal.”

The glimmering figure shattered into pieces with Loki standing at where it used to be, a knot in between his eyebrows. He scurried to the old man and blocked the way out as the latter wended to the door.

_The trick failed, now I have to play it the hard way._

“No need to hurry,” Loki said with his hands high on the door frame, looking down upon him. “I have a new proposal.”

“There is no trust between us.” The old man was unfazed by Loki’s aggressive posture.

“I am sorry, but we can still make this right…”

“No matter what you ask, the answer is no.” The old man grabbed the doorknob and pushed Loki’s arm. “Let me leave this cursed place.”

Loki pressed his hands on the healer, preventing him from storming out. He tried to reason with him, soon it turned into begging and plea. Giving up on struggling out, the old man stood there in silence, eyes closed.

“Please! I am willing to give my life. I mean it!” The flowing of words finally broke into desperate sobbing. Fingers clutched on the healer’s robe, Loki slid down to his knees, tears rolling off his cheeks.

The healer snatched his robe out of Loki’s grasp. “Once I advised Odin against adopting you. As much as I respect him, he made a fatal mistake,” the old man scoffed. “You are a calamity to everything and everybody.”

“Aye, I appreciate your wise edification, sir. My father once said, my birthright is to die.” Loki sniveled. “I used to impugn his judgment, but now I accept it. Erase my existence from this universe, if that means the well-being of Thor.”

The healer’s feet shuffled back and forth for a few times, his eyes darting between Loki and Thor. Eventually, he exhaled deeply and gave the nod.

“Loki! Are you serious?” Mantis lurched to Loki, holding onto his shoulder as if trying to pull him out of the appalling decision.

Then she gasped, putting one hand over her heart. “That hurts…Loki, please…”

“Please what, Mantis? Do it or don’t?” Gently putting a hand on Mantis’ hand, Loki smiled bitterly.

“It hurts either way.” Mantis withdrew her arm, kneeled next to Loki, facing the healer.

“Good sir, have some mercy. The pain is unbearable. If you have a heart of a healer, you shouldn’t pose the cruelty on them!”

“You are young and naïve, insect lady.” The healer was not convinced. “Mercy or cruelty, they mean nothing if it conflicts the order.”

“But…”

“You are crazy!” Rocket groaned. “All of you!”

“Do it!” Loki’s arms widely opened. “This is all I could give.”

“Deal.” The old man said, stretching his hand toward Loki, dim light flickering on his palm. Loki closed his eyes.

_Hope it doesn’t hurt, at least not as bad as Thanos’ iron grip._

 

Death didn’t swallow as he expected. Instead, there came the rustling of leaves and crackle of branches.

He opened his eyes, surprisingly seeing Groot’s twigs expanding out into an umbrella of tree branches weaved together, shielding him from the royal healer.

“Groot, what are you doing?”

“I am Groot!”

“Please, this is the only way to save Thor!” Loki shouted.

“I am Groot.”

Rocket grabbed his arm. “Loki, Groot is right. Thor can’t take this anymore. Have you thought about how he feels when he woke up into a world where you died for him, again? It is too much for him the bear.”

“Everything is going according to my plan.” Loki lowered his voice.

“A plan or impulsive improvising?”

“I said, I know what I am doing. And don’t worry about Thor. He will be alright.”

“What about you?” Mantis asked.

“I die. Death is not as bad as you may think. The old man is right, Helheim is a place of peace and tranquility.”

“It doesn’t make any sense.” Rocket pulled his own ears in despair. “Thor said you are unpredictable and incomprehensible. He is damn right! I don’t know what the hell you have in your mind!”

“You don’t have to know. Just trust me.”

“No one trusts the god of mischief. Thor’s words.”

Loki rolled his eyes.

“Besides, I remember Thor told us about what you had promised him before you—I mean, him, the Loki in this universe, died. He didn’t keep his promise, neither can you if you die right now.”

“I thought he used to avoid talking about me, especially not something as personal as that.”

“Not true when he was drunk. By drunk I mean totally wasted, having no memories of what he did you said,” Mantis added. “This way he can express himself without reliving the painful moment.”

Loki staggered as if stricken on the heart. He rose to his feet in silent. His tears dried up and mind blank. Groot withdrew the branches, leaving his view clear to see Thor.

The desire of living with Thor was so strong that he could barely look at the old healer. Instead, he turned toward the bed, ambulated to the man who meant everything. Yes, to live even with a Thor like this was a blessing of his life.

But there was a promise to keep. A commitment he knew would have been annihilated if Thor never woke up.

“Well?” The healer raised his eyebrows.

“Sorry, my friends,” Loki said. “I know that promise. I made the same one too before he was killed by Thanos. I exhausted the last resort to save my brother. Even Mjolnir answered my call when I tossed myself upon you under the smite of Thanos. But no miracle could undo his fate. Inconveniently, however, I don’t believe in fate.”

“So, what can you do to keep the promise now?” Rocket berated.

“To accept my fate.” Loki smiled.

The old healer nodded with a smile, “I am glad to hear that. You finally come to some reason. Know this: you have already created enough disturbance and chaos in several universes. You cheated the time flow and circumvent everything we know as the natural law to achieve a selfish and destructive goal. It is time to make everything right.”

“I think you have some misunderstanding of me.” Loki glared at him, chest rising and falling. “Give me a quick death and save the preaching. It has no place in front of the god of change and chaos.”

“You are not a god—”

“I am a self-made one, if that’s what I have to do!” Loki fisted his hands, his voice ringing in the room. “With all the penance and ordeal, failure and jeopardy, self-doubt and breaking down, eventually I led myself here; I did the impossible, and I am willing to give everything I have for him. How do you call this cheat and dishonesty? Sitting behind the subterfuge of arbitrary orders, courses, rules, and so-called natural laws, people like you gloat at my effort—no, you hate it, you fear it!” Striding toward the healer, he said with a calmly firm voice. “Let me tell you something: Chaos is the most truthful and honorable being in the whole universe, whereas order is merely an arrogant delusion that people enshrine themselves, pretending they could ascend to a higher existence as long as they have faith in it. In life or death, I am the incarnation of chaos itself. It is my divine power. I will prevail, in every single existing alternate universe.”

In a long deadly silence, the healer gradually recovered his calmness from the appalling look on his face. He narrowed his eyes and huffed, “You do have a silver tongue, your grace. But how the beautiful words pale and sharp eloquences infirm at Thor’s suffering.”

“But Thor is happy!” Mantis uttered with a quivering voice, her hands touching Thor’s head. “It resonates inside me. The hollow in his heart was gone, filled by the purest happiness I have ever felt. More than happiness…yes, love, so fervent and intense like the sunshine of midsummer noon, for Loki.”

Loki looked agape at Mantis, speechless.

“You liar!” The healer snarled.

“I never lie about feelings!” Mantis rebuked, with a bright smile still on her face in spite of her tone defensive. “This man has the most precious feelings in the world. Don’t you dare to take it away from him.”

She was not speaking to the healer, but Loki.

“Don’t you see? He has been thriving to live because of you.”

The words struck Loki like lightning. He was nearly paralyzed by the intense emotion surged from the bottom of his heart. His pride, despair, and aggression, the resolution of facing a willingly yet reluctant death, all melted down into himself by the radiant smile on Mantis’ face. At the moment he saw smiling Thor. Loki threw his arms around Thor, embracing him with all his strength, and cried like a child.

“You are right, Mantis. I won’t take it away from him, nor myself.”

Knowing the deal was annihilated, the healer shook his head. “You will regret it.”

“Even if I do, it’s none of your business anymore,” Loki demanded, sniffling. “You are dismissed.”

Watching the old man slamming the door, Rocket’s shoulders dropped in relief.

“Mantis, you are awesome!” Rocket swaggered up the chair. His little claws patted on Mantis’ shoulder.

Loki bowed deeply to her. “A thousand thanks. No word could express my gratefulness.”

Mantis blushed. “My pleasure to help. Besides, Thor gave me a wonderful time with his feelings.”

“I…I think I was carried away after so many days of waiting.” Loki smiled wryly. “The fear of him not waking up forever grew into an uncontrollable monster, which nearly destroyed me, maybe Thor as well.”

“I think you told me you are not worried about Thor and confident he will wake up,” Rocket said. “Thor used to say you never stressed over uncertainty and risks; on the contrary, you seemed to enjoy them. I never thought you were that desperate.”

“I never had a moment like this before. I do enjoy uncertainty; I seek, even chase risks. They are the gateways to possibilities without limitation.” Loki veered his gaze outside the window, to the azure sky. “But the fear rooted in love is a totally different beast. It vanquishes even the god of chaos himself.”

As much as being proud of his chaotic nature, the most unpredictable part of himself—he came into a sudden realization—was the hope of one certain predictable future:

The future in which he could live to the end of his life with Thor.

“But now I have no doubt anymore. I know what I should do. I have nothing to fear anymore.”

“So, just being curious,” Rocket asked. “You didn’t really have a plan when you decided to sacrifice yourself, do you?”

“I did,” Loki said. “A plan for Thor, not myself—this particular one.”

Rocket slapped on his own forehead. “You are a pile of mysteries and riddles indeed.”

“I am not the only Loki who lost his Thor. There are bound to be others. In fact, I have contacted them, sort of. That old pedant informed me of his intent a week ago. No way I meet him again without at least three sets of plans at hand. The best plan, of course, was the fake time traveling and trick him into healing Thor. But I doubt it could deceive him from the very beginning.”

“It might have worked if you cried him a river…” Rocket let out a burst of hollow laughter. “Whoops, just a bad joke.”

“So, you found ‘backups’ of yourself just in case.” Mantis tumbled to Loki’s meaning and received a nod as confirmation.

“Wait!” Rocket seemed a bit panicked. “Since you are alive, they are not coming here, right?”

Loki narrowed his eyes. “I can’t guarantee that. You are talking about chaos itself.”

“Well, Thor probably doesn’t mind having more Loki-s. He might enjoy the extra trouble.” Rocket looked at Thor, who was still in a coma. “Talking about him…”

“I am Groot?”

“It’s okay,” Loki said with tenderness. “Mantis can feel his feeling. It is a good sign. There is already a connection built between his body and soul, I believe. It’s like…repairing a broken internet connection. The route is back up, so you just have to give it some time before it fully functions again.” Loki smiled, his hand touching Thor’s face. “I am sure he will be alright. I have been taking care of him for months, and I don’t mind doing it for a few more…even forever.”

 

——*——*——*——*——*——

 

When the nocturnal curtain fell on earth, Loki opened the curtain and window in Thor’s room. The air was crisp and fresh, with the smell of salt and ocean. In the rhyme of waves splashing, he sat back at the bed, humming an undiscernible tone.

It had been a long day. Ever since the Guardians went to the guest rooms, an impulse had rushed inside him, making him unable to sleep. He breathed, tried to ground himself. It was in vain. He felt an active presence of something exciting, inside and outside him, an urge and eagerness.

No doubt, it was about Thor. The fervent love Mantis talked about, it burned in his heart too, even stronger and brighter.

Loki veered around and removed Thor’s blanket, revealing the nude body underneath. All traces of wounds were gone. He looked healthy as if he could jerk up into a heated fight or sex. Admiring the man lying in front of him, Loki unbuttoned his shirt, unbelted his breeches, took off his shoes. He climbed onto the bed, leaving his clothes on the floor. Naked, he strode on Thor’s legs, bending over to kiss him, a long and deep kiss. He pried Thor’s lips open and licked on the teeth. He inched forward, buttocks on Thor’s chubby belly. It felt cushy to sit on.

“Feel me, brother.” Loki’s fingers caressed on Thor’s nipples. They did not respond, nor did Thor’s cock in Loki’s other hand, just as it always was.

Loki rubbed his half-awaked cock on Thor’s stomach, leaning over slightly. The skin was soft and warm, arousing Loki’s desire to its top.

“Look at me, Thor, look how beautiful I am.” Loki wrung and wiggled slowly, holding Thor’s hands on his legs. “You said you never had enough of me. Now I am all yours.”

His slim legs tightened around Thor’s waist, balls and cock pressed down on Thor. He slithered down until their sex parts met. He held them in his both hands—Thor’s was huge even when it was unerected.

“It feels so good…” Loki murmured. His was not yet fully aroused yet, but the pleasure was clear and robust.

Loki grabbed Thor’s right hand. He pressed it firmly with their cocks underneath the broad palm, sliding his butt up and down. The callus felt rough, and the belly skin soft and slick. Loki’s breath hastened. “Oh, Thor, my dear brother,” He moaned under his breath. “I need more.”

He moved faster and faster to quench his desire. Yet there came more desire, accompanied by an emptiness that could only be filled by Thor.

“I bet you want to be inside of me. You love that, don’t you? Every time you almost tear me apart with your sword made of flesh and blood between your legs. Oh brother, how much I miss those nights!”

He moved down to the side as he talked, bending over and put his lips on Thor’s fingers and penis. He wetted them with his tongue and lips. The sleeping penis was smooth and supple in his mouth. Saliva dripped down on the balls and sheet underneath Thor. He fondled Thor’s thighs, with kisses all around. For a moment, he even groped his fingers into the cleft between Thor’s butt cheeks, yet he went no deeper. He never went this deep in the past months. Even the idea of Thor being inside him was the furthest he had been. Somehow, he felt reluctant to do that, but today, everything felt quite different.

Loki straddled on Thor’s belly again, holding his hand to reach his entrance at the back. He moved up until the fingers touched the sensitive ring of wrinkles. He spat more into his hand and smeared it onto his hole.

“Ah!” He slid Thor’s two fingers in. They opened him up and gave him the pleasure he was seeking. He moaned and stroked his cock with the other hand. “I miss you so much, Thor, every part of you…Oh, it feels good!”

Both fingers were deep inside Loki now, all the way down to the connection with palm. Loki wiggled his bottom, stroking faster.

“Fuck me.” Loki gasps. “Take me apart!”

It felt so good that he regretted he hadn’t done that earlier. The doubt and lurking fear were unfathomable, yet faded away. He surrounded himself into the lead of his intuition and desire.

He put in a third finger, and a fourth. He kissed Thor all over his face, biting on Thor’s lips and the tip of the nose. It felt so good with Thor’s fingers gaping his hole, irrigating the long deserted of lust. Loki lied prone on Thor, forcing all five fingers in and out. He moaned and grumbled, mixing with Thor’s names and dirty talks they used to share.

“Oh Thor…feel me…I am so hot inside, and so wet,” Loki panted and whooped. “I am dripping for you…ah…so good. That’s right. Make me come.”

He guided Thor’s unmoving finger to his sensitive spot. His whole body was shaking under the intense sensation.

“Fuck me…I am all yours…”

It was close enough. Pre-cum dripping out of his cock, and tears of pleasure his eyes. Yet there was still something missing, an emptiness that he couldn’t fill. He knew what it was and tried to cover it up with sex, only finding it penetrating him deeper and fiercer, tearing him apart from inside. They tried fisting before, both on him and Thor, but it had never been easy, requiring a lot of patience and a bit of luck. However, now he was so eager to have Thor inside him that he pushed and thrust violently.

“I love you, Thor. I love you so much that I wish I didn’t.” Loki bit on Thor’s ear, muttering, and tears dropped. He couldn’t come. Not like this. Lust receded as something more substantial and more solemn filled him up—how bizarre it was—not fear or worry, nor lust or passion. It was something in between of jubilance and woe, bliss and agony, life and death.

He lost himself in the frenzy. He didn’t stop. He couldn’t. It was more than sex itself and became all his life purpose at the specific moment. He kept fucking himself with Thor’s hand until his legs and arms felt sore, and he still drove on, trying to fit the whole hand in. He shut his eyes tight, yet nothing tears rolling down, wetting Thor’s face and neck.

“We are one, Thor…break me so I will be reborn for you…eh…hm…Thor, please, be closer…” He sputtered deliriously, one arm wrapping around Thor’s neck. He sat back more as he pushed harder with the other hand, ignoring the soreness from the thrusting.

Then there was a sharp pain, and the feel of fullness, ass being gaped widely open. Thor’s hand merged into his hole down to the wrist. He let loose his grasp on Thor’s hand, weight fully on Thor, and embraced his brother with both his arms. His canal held Thor’s hand tightly, twitching and contracting. The odd feeling that filled him swelled and amplified. He lied silently with it draining his strength, taking it inside him—

Rebirth. The vibration of souls. Eternity.

For a while, the room was quiet. No more panting or talking. Loki closed his eyes, Thor in his arms; he felt nothing but the hand in his ass, not even himself.

“Hmmm…”

So strange and joyful, something scratched his canal. Nails, the tips of callous fingers, first gentle and unnoticeable, following by poking and thrusting.

Before he opened his eyes, a wide palm covered them. Loki supported himself up a bit with both his arms. His erected cock was squeezed by his and Thor’s body. The move of the hand inside him was slowly but steadily.

Loki leaned on one arm and freed the other to fumble for Thor’s cock.

“No, stay there.” he heard the deep resonating voice, and he chose to obey. He couldn’t help to sob, tears seeping through the gaps between the fingers on his eyes. His flame of desire blazed in him.

“Your ass is so tight.” A bit raucous, the familiar voice vibrated in Loki’s ears. He wanted more, just as he wanted everything about Thor.

As if his mind was read, there came the voice again.

“I am fucking you, Loki. I am inside you.”

“Yes…you are…fuck me harder.”

“You naughty little thing. You just can’t leave me alone.”

“I will not…ah…you can’t escape me,” with more tears gushing out of his eyes, Loki said with a smile.

“Neither can you.” The hand went deeper, a knuckle right on the sweet spot, pushing down and in. Loki gave out a scream. His hands fumbled onto Thor’s shoulders and held them firmly.

“Come for me,” Thor demanded.

For a few seconds, maybe longer, Loki lost all of his senses. He was but a creature of lust, surrendering himself to the unrelenting love and pleasure.

 

That night the fucked each other non-stop. Their cocks thrust inside their dear brothers in turns, in all positions new or old to them, until no one could lift a finger anymore. They cuddled each other, watching the first whist of breaking dawn.

“You are not going anywhere, are you?” Out of nowhere, Thor asked the question that seemed to prowl in his mind for long. Probably from the day he reunited with Loki.

“Why would I?” Lolling in the bosom of Thor, Loki teased Thor’s stubble on his jaw.

“I mean…I don’t know. It’s fine if you want to be alone for some time like you used to do. But, say, if you get mad at me or tired of me or something like that, are you going to leave me and go back to the universe you came from?”

Loki giggled at the words, “Let alone the ridiculous hypothetical situations, do you really think I can go back?”

Thor tightened his arms around Loki. “When you said no going back, you meant it, literally?”

“Oh, even our puerile Thor grows to learn to overthink. What a cruel world!” Loki jeered.

But Thor didn’t seem to be amused, in anything, a melancholy expression emerged on Thor’s face.

“I am sorry I disappointed you,” Thor said with a sniffle. “You must have been so angry and sad when you learned from mother that I never mentioned your death.”

Loki’s heart throbbing and eyes sore. But he sneered instead of let tears out.

“To tell you the truth. I baffled you. I didn’t go back to see her. I reckoned that you said nothing to her because the Loki of that timeline didn’t see you passing by at all. You avoided to meet me; thus a safe surmise that you ignored me in your conversation with mother.”

Thor smiled wryly. “It sounds crazy, but I didn’t even see you in the dungeon cell—I looked, but I didn’t see. I was blinded by my denial. I talked to mother because I accepted the fact that I had lost her. But you?” Thor rubbed his eyes. “I just can’t. I am so sorry.”

He wanted to say it was fine and he had forgiven Thor for that already. But he choked upon his words. The overwhelming flow of feelings made the moment of frankness awkward for him. His lips were sealed by the odd shyness lurking in his heart, making it hard for him to express his feelings and vulnerability directly. Everything he blurted out when Thor was unconscious seemed somehow challenging to put into words now.

And Thor continued, “You have done so much for me. But I was a dumbass sitting in my lost and despair, I—”

“Come on, save your self-sentiment.” Loki nipped Thor’s cheek. “Fool, I am not doing anything for you. It is all for myself. I hate every single minute of my life without you, that’s it.”

Thor chuckled, “What about your insane plan of finding me another Loki as the replacement?”

“Well…” Loki looked to the side. “I thought…since I need you so much, I can save you for another me in another universe. I benefit from it, regardless.”

“And you tossed yourself over me to block Thano’s attack? No wonder Mjolnir chose you over there, but not me when we first met. I was such a coward compared with you.”

“That…it was just…I didn’t think about it.” Loki said with pretentious anger on his face. “Curse Thanos! He was too fast! I wouldn’t have done that if given time to think.”

Thor seemed quite enjoying teasing Loki for his jokingly ruthlessness. “So, how about—”

“Damn! You heard every single word I said, didn’t you?” Loki pursed his lips. “I was right about your soul always being around, yes?”

“I can’t say ‘heard’, but yes, I was always there, not quite in my body but not out either.” Thor scratched his hairs. “I lost all senses…no, I didn’t; they were somehow consolidated into one. I knew my surroundings, and everything happened. Time and space felt…within me. Nothing moved and no time passed, yet everything and the full length of time existed with me. I know it sounds strange, but to my best ability I am trying to explain it.”

“Thus, you know everything about me.”

“I wish I could know more,” Thor said. “You never stop to amaze me.”

Loki lifted his chin. “Ask.”

Thor asked, but it was something appeared to be irrelevant, “Can you connect me with my alternate selves, as you did to Steve?”

“…What?”

“I want to talk to them and show them how you got here. In case something happens to me, I can have a backup for you.”

“Are you serious?” Loki tittered.

“I am,” instead of laughing with Loki, Thor said with sincerity, his eyes meeting with Loki’s. He touched Loki’s face with his palm, slowly sliding and fondling, pushing the curly hairs back to his ear.

Loki’s heart raced under the intense gaze of Thor. He tried to avoid his eyes, but Thor held his head steadily right in front of him and looked deep into his eyes, his soul. Tears welled up in his eyes. He pushed Thor, but instead being away from him, his had his arm grabbed by the firm hand, and pulled into Thor’s embrace again.

“I hate you, Thor.” Loki sobbed, burying his face into Thor’s embrace. “I’d stab you if I got a knife.”

Thor caressed his back along the spine, down from neck to tailbone. His move was gentle and hand warm. Loki couldn’t help his tears falling.

“If you want to stab me that bad, I have something for you,” Thor said and propped himself with one arm on the bed, the other reached to the bedside table and opened the drawer. Loki looked up to Thor, watching him took something into his fist.

“Here.” Thor opened his hand to Loki. Loki recognized it at first glance—a tip of the horns on his helmet, which he used to swing as a weapon.

“Valkyrie said she met you at the debris of the ship on which I was killed,” Loki said. “Did you find it there?”

“Yes. Now take it and use this to stab me, as you did before.”

Loki snatched the tip from the palm of Thor. Instead of holding it out for a stab, he wrapped his fingers around it, so tight that the point punctured into his skin.

“Oh, Thor…” Loki sniveled. “Sometimes I wish I could genuinely hate you, but I am always glad that I don’t. I missed you so much.”

Thor kissed his tears off, followed by more trickling down his face uncontrollably. He tossed himself into Thor’s arms, holding his brother’s waist with all his strength.

“I missed you dearly too. Nothing makes me happier than having you back. You are the best, brother.”

It rang a bell in Loki’s mind. He lifted his head and looked at his brother.

“You have been through your own death experience in many universes, surely you remember mine, and what terrible thing I said before you die.” Thor kissed Loki’s hair. “I am sorry. I take my words back—I should have done that on the ship. Sorry again for being five years late.”

“A hundred years late…to be precise, a hundred and six years,” Loki corrected.

“Aye, you are right. I owe you more than a century.” Thor held up Loki’s face. “I promise I will make up for it.”

Then they kissed deeply, with the taste of tears and cum between their teeth and tongue, the sweetness of reunion and bitterness of the suffering. Outside the new day’s sun reborn from the breaking dawn, pouring its heat and illumination onto the loving brothers.  


End file.
